Miranda Nelson
Sun-hatched under a rock on Vancouver Island, Miranda Nelson never went to kindergarten; ergo she missed out on learning important life lessons like how to share. If you want insightful, thought-provoking commentary, she is not your girl. However, if you're looking for tasteless jokes about genitalia, you've come to the right person. Nelson likes drinking whisky and dislikes throwing up whisky. She would classify her disdain for humanity as "healthy". Of course, she defines "healthy" as pouring whisky on her oatmeal.
Nelson spends her non-journalism-related time writing Hugh Laurie fan fiction, yelling at thoughtless people on public transit, attempting to bioengineer money trees, and contemplating where unicorns come from. (Like, did a narwhal have sex with a horse? What gives?) She's also fond of recycling pop culture tropes into her writing and passing them off as new and original jokes.
Latest
While News for Youse does not endorse terrorism or torture, it does endorse gratuitous photos of pandas.
Nicki Minaj and M.I.A. join the Material Girl in her latest football-themed video for "Give Me All Your Luvin".
There's no such thing as privacy on the Internet. Let's distract ourselves with photos of kittens.
ACTA's coming for your children, while the UN's getting all the good drugs.
Also, Tim Horton's new serving size is almost guaranteed to make you vomit.
Dan Savage's caustic and comedic advice works even better live than it does in print.
And lo, a darkness fell across the land as the mighty Duchy of Wikipedia shuttered its doors and windows, its inhabitants refusing to answer questions for a mere 24-hour timespan.
Betty White, we're really going to need to see your long-form birth certificate.
No matter whether your tale is good, bad, or ugly—we want to hear it.
I'm so sorry that I'm posting yet another one of these videos.
Also in news: fucking fracking earthquakes, invisibility cloaks, and science proves Kevin is a terrible name.
"Sorry, can we turn it down? I don't really like rap."
Surveys say: we're all fucked.
"Constitutiooooooooooooooonnnnnnnnnn!"
The silly season for news just keeps getting sillier.
Are you a dedicated Boxing Day shopper? You might want to rethink that.
This was the year that the curtain started coming down on denial.
Also, we explain why one should never give anything away for free.
This is a joke, right? Because I can't see how something so stupid could be serious.
As always, our favourite Taiwanese animators have the most accurate explanation for why Canada pulled out of the Kyoto Accord.
"Guys, who cares that real things happened yesterday. Did you know there was a
bear downtown?"
Small-town people are doing all kinds of dumb shit today.
It's okay to be a proud virgin. But when you leverage that into a TV show, you're simply making money off of what's not between your legs.
Leslie David Baker makes a dance tune—
and it's awesome.
All the obvious news is obnoxiously obvious today.
Iran doesn't like sanctions, nobody like the police, and somebody somewhere is still listening to Nickelback.
While you were sleeping, civil liberties were wantonly flouted. Good morning to you, too.
A short film looks at the Occupy Vancouver movement on October 15, while environmentalist David Suzuki is scheduled to speak on October 22.
There's awww-inducing news from the front lines, while the VPD says Occupy Vancouver is running up their costs, and NPR's Lisa Simeone gets sacked for being a spokesperson.
Gather round, kiddies, and live in ignorance no longer!
A spate of writers sign their support for the occupy movement, while Occupy Wall Street tries to be a good neighbour, and CNN's Erin Burnett
still doesn't have a clue.
A Marine takes on the NYPD, Chris Hedges continues to remain awesome, and We Are Change picks Mark Ruffalo's brain.
It's funny how nothing gets violent until the police get involved.
Day 3 of Occupy Vancouver sees a show of solidarity with the Missing Women's Inquiry protest, and gets prepped for the long term.
Bring the family, bring the dog, bring a tent, bring some gloves.
Occupy Wall Street protesters defy an eviction notice, but that didn't prevent the NYPD from making arrests and causing a little chaos.
Mayor Bloomberg issues a "temporary" eviction, while Democrats try to co-opt the movement.
Your delinquent OWS reporter returns with a mish-mash of info from the last five days.
Also, Amanda fucking Palmer unleashes a new tune on Occupy Boston and
The Occupied Wall Street Journal hits the street.
As it inches into its third week, Occupy Wall Street sees more arrests, more violence—and more support.
"Your presence is making a difference," Kucinich says in a web video.
Today may be the biggest day of action that Occupy Wall Street has seen yet.
Some billionaires actually have hearts, CNN proves that it still has no idea what all the hullabaloo is about, and everyone's occupying everything.
We've got more video footage of the mass arrests on the Brooklyn Bridge than we know what to do with, and a well-spoken protester takes FOX News to task.
It's not just hippies who are pissed at getting fleeced by the system, and Radiohead rumours run rampant. (Try saying
that three times fast.)
An increasing number of union members are lending their support to the Occupy Wall Street movement.
It's Christmas on Wall Street this morning!
Eleven days in and finally the media is noticing. But are they noticing for all the wrong reasons?
Mass arrests, protesters get maced, Tom Morello and Michael Moore speak about the action with Bill Maher, and the media team talks to Chris Hedges.
When it's not raining, and the U.S. isn't executing people, life for the Wall Street protesters is actually kind of festival-like.
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