Ever try to meet people in Vancouver? You'll have better luck getting KISS to admit it's over than you will convincing someone to talk to you in a bar. So there you stand, wondering, "Who are all those people I see every time I go to a show?" You're too shy to ask, so we do it for you.

IN MY 9-TO-5 LIFE I'M A: "Puppeteer and a puppet. I'm also a special-needs support worker, youth worker, and an artist."

IF YOU'RE BUYING, I'LL HAVE: "I really like water. But I guess if you're buying, I should get something really fancy. How about a smoothie with mint and kiwis and other stuff? Or maybe something really chocolate-y, with coffee and whipped cream."

THE BEST SHOW I EVER SAW WAS: "Hmmm. Well, the first one that pops into my mind was this band called Unclean Wiener. They were playing with July Fourth Toilet at the ANZA Club many years ago. The guy from Unclean Wiener blew my mind when he suddenly started playing a Bontempi organ rhythmically with some big hunks of wood and the keys flew off in all directions. He totally smashed it to bits and shot the remains to death with a gun! It was totally absurd and frightening."

I WISH PEOPLE WOULD SHUT UP ABOUT: " The Secret . I find the new-age philosophy in the movie to be really self-centred, and it stems from a privileged, ignorant mindset. Just imagining something doesn't make it happen, either. It takes action."

THE LAST CONCERT T-SHIRT I BOUGHT WAS: "I don't think I've ever bought a concert T-shirt, but I just bought a Puppet Rampage 2007 T-shirt. We just went to this national puppetry festival in Minnesota. Imagine 500 puppeteers hanging out and watching, like, nine puppet shows every day for five days."

IN THE MOVIE OF MY LIFE, I'D BE PLAYED BY: "I think it will be an artsy, silent film and my puppeteer partner Jessica will play me and I'll play her. We'll wear masks of each other and maybe act some of the scenes out with matchbox-sized puppets. While the film is playing, we'll be the live band, playing along with twanging and clanging instruments we built ourselves."

WHAT'S INSIDE THE MIND OF A SNAIL? "An observing eye, a quirky experiment, a compost-modernist philosophy that spirals round and round."