You force the music section to tell Pete Wentz that Ashlee Simpson blows (but not in that special way), and we reward you with a Payback Time T-shirt, two CDs off the Straight 's Top 50, and two tickets to a LiveNation club show taking place in Vancouver within the next four weeks. Here's this week's winning whinge.

Dear Payback Time: Mike Usinger–your recent article on our fave Natural Born Thrilla, Miss Juliette Lewis, has left a bad taste in my mouth, kind of like her new band, the Licks. You wrote: "She freely admits, though, that when she first picked up the mike, there were nights when she found herself wondering what she was doing." Hmmm, could it be that the "mike" you were referring to is yourself? Because we would be wondering what she was doing. Or could it be you simply did not realize that mic is in fact the short form of microphone? I suggest you invest in an updated dictionary.

> E.S. Day

Mike Usinger replies: Dearest E.S.–There are certain things that you learn not to argue over when you work at the Georgia Straight. Those things include whether Madonna is an unparalleled genius or a talentless skank, the "realness" of Survivor, and whether or not Lynyrd Skynyrd stinks worse than fresh dog shit. One thing we've never argued over is the acceptable shorthand form for microphone. Long ago, there was a consensus that mic sounded like a derogatory term for people who grew up in the land of Lucky Charms, Guinness-fuelled fistfights, and meals that weren't complete without half a dozen potatoes. As a result, the Georgia Straight style guide–which I admittedly haven't cracked open since I started here–stipulates that we shorten microphone to mike . That not good enough? Well, the ITP Nelson Canadian Dictionary –which I admittedly haven't cracked open since I started here–defines mike as follows: "a microphone". There is no entry for mic . If you'd like to make the case that there should be, simply head down to the Straight offices next week. While you're here, I'll introduce you to our ever-opinionated senior editor Martin Dunphy. All you'll need to do is announce "Madonna is not a talentless skank" and, before you know it, you'll be convinced that there are some things not worth arguing about.

E.S. Day told us to stuff his two free CDs, which means next week's jackpot grows to four discs. Voice your impotent rage by snail mail or by sending an e-mail to payback@straight.com