You e-mail the contents of the music section’s My Photos folder to Perez Hilton, and we reward you with a Payback Time T-shirt, two CDs off the Straight’s Top 50, and two tickets to a LiveNation club show taking place in Vancouver within the next four weeks. Here’s this week’s winning whine.

Dear Payback Time: Now I don’t usually like making an ass out of myself, but this time I feel I have to say something. In the Straight’s December 20-27 issue, you had the “pleasure” of giving us your year-end lists for the best albums of 2007. You tell me how in the hell Mr. Akroyd (if I’m even spelling his name right—I don’t really care) could have the nerve to write a year-end list for metal, but only include one true metal CD (Fire Up the Blades from local act 3 Inches of Blood)? How in the hell do the Donnas make it on a list for metal? You’ve got to be fucking kidding me! Where were Dream Theater, the Ocean, Between the Buried and Me, Opeth, or even Behemoth or Nile, for God’s sake? (Or Satan’s sake, in some cases.) When the Donnas make a metal/hard rock year-end list, you know someone needs to be wearing a helmet when they leave their house.

> Cody Blanchard

Lucas Aykroyd replies: Dearest Cody—Congratulations, you’ve just made an ass out of yourself in front of hundreds of thousands of readers. It’s one thing to misspell my surname (Dan Aykroyd and I have had many heart-to-hearts about this subject), but quite another to prove you’re flat-out brain-dead. I wrote that my list would discuss “hard rock and metal”. So guess what, my corpse-painted, horns-throwing friend? That means I could list nine hard-rock CDs and one “true metal” CD if I wanted. (By the way, with Amorphis gearing up to destroy Eastern Europe’s biggest metal festivals this spring, the Finnish veterans might be disappointed to learn they don’t qualify as “true metal” for you.) See, while you’re holed up in your basement in your Slayer pyjama bottoms, arguing with your IM buddies about who’s the most tr00, I’m heeding the wisdom of the metal god, Judas Priest singer Rob Halford, who once said: “Metal is about doing what you want to do in your life, free of conformity.” If I wanna have the Donnas, I’m gonna have the Donnas, because they absolutely rocked on Bitchin’. You should be whining about Revolver’s 2007 top-20 albums list in its February issue instead: out of your devilish darlings, only Behemoth made the cut. Finally, you’re the first headbanger I’ve ever encountered who thinks it’s “metal” to attend a Marianas Trench pop-punk show at Guildford Mall in Surrey, hurl an umbrella on-stage, run away laughing, and brag about it on his MySpace page. Ass!

For taking the time to abuse us, Cody Blanchard receives Led Zeppelin’s Mothership and Queens of the Stone Age’s Era Vulgaris. Voice your impotent rage by snail mail or by sending an e-mail to payback@straight.com.