Starring Sean Maguire and Carmen Electra. Rated 14A.

Although consistently formulaic, derivative, and bereft of memorable dialogue, Meet the Spartans is an absolute must-see for everyone who thought 300 would be better if made cheaply and starring Carmen Electra.

As with the parodies in Mad magazine, Meet The Spartans is essentially a beat-for-beat retelling of a popular title, with certain situations and characters swapped with pop-culture references. An important difference is that Mad magazine is funny. Mad is satirically observant, and also value-packed with numerous fake ads, clever poems, the Al Jaffee foldout, and other whimsies to hold one’s attention if the central feature falls flat. Meet the Spartans is just a spoof, with nothing particularly interesting to say about the celebrities and situations that have been inserted. You’re just supposed to recognize the look-alikes. Look, it’s Ugly Betty! Look, it’s You Got Served! Look, it’s Happy Feet! It’s like a series of parade floats.

The movie’s sole inspiration is that, for all their jibes at “Athenian boy lovers”, 300’s King Leonidas and company looked pretty darn gay in their leather jockstraps and spray-on abs. Watching these facsimiles holding hands, skipping, and giving each other open-mouth kisses is an apt punishment for 300’s risible homo-baiting. But it’s still only one idea.

Technically, Meet the Spartans does a reasonable job of reverse-
engineering 300 on a tinier budget. The sets look right. Alone among the cast, Sean Maguire does strong work providing a straightforward impression of Gerard Butler’s King Leonidas.

Ultimately, though, Meet the Spartans will not be judged by merit. It simply exists to give teenagers a reason to hang out, being current enough to interest them and stupid enough to make sense—to make much more sense—while completely stoned.