Ever try to meet people in Vancouver? You’ll have better luck getting Madonna to wrap up her Rock and Roll Hall of Fame acceptance speech than you will convincing someone to talk to you in a bar. So there you stand, wondering, “Who are all those people I see every time I go to a show?” You’re too shy to ask, so we do it for you.

Who are you? “I’m Grant!”

In my 9-to-5 life I’m: “Asleep. Sometimes when I run out of money I wait tables, but the longer my hair gets, the harder it is to find work, you know?”

If you're buying, I’ll have: “Whatever’s cheap. I’d rather not develop a taste for the expensive stuff if I can help it.”

The best show I ever saw was: “Hard to say. Most of my favourite bands are dead, or worse, old. I saw LCD Soundsystem at the Commodore last year and that was pretty fun, but I don’t know if it was the best show I’ve ever seen. The Dolls were pretty great too, except that there was some pretentious d-bag in an argyle sweater standing next to me the whole show who would shove me whenever I tried to dance. His friend even tried to fight my girlfriend! By the way, if you don’t want to get bumped into at a show, don’t stand in the front row.”

I wish people would shut up about: “I just wish they’d shut up in general. I was a little grossed out by the massive outpouring of grief when Heath Ledger died. I really don’t get how people can be so attached to someone they’ve never met. Also, I’d really love it if I never had to hear anything about Pitchfork ever again. Who appointed them the supreme arbiters of good taste?”

The last concert T-shirt I bought was: “Concert Ts are always a rip-off. I don’t think I’ve ever bought one.”

In the movie of my life, I’d be played by: “James Dean? To be honest, I don’t think a movie about my life would be that interesting. I sure wouldn’t pay to see it.”

What’s prettiest in pink? “I do have a fairly sizable collection of pink guitars. Well, three. I have three pink guitars. Is that sizable? Maybe I’ll e-mail Pitchfork and ask them—they know everything!”