You Photoshop Madonna’s sinewy man arms onto the music section’s scrawny body, and we reward you with a Payback Time T-shirt, two CDs off the Straight’s Top 50, and two tickets to a Live Nation club show taking place in Vancouver within the next four weeks. Here’s this week’s winning whine.

Dear Payback Time: I generally expect that when a band is on its farewell tour, they will play a varied selection from their career. Maybe a bit of newer stuff, but usually a tribute to the fans that have supported them throughout the years, and in some bands’ cases, through some declining releases.

So when Ministry announced its C-U-LaTour, I thought the band would draw heavily from its opus, Psalm 69, of 1992 and its two brilliant predecessors. However, the show on Friday night at the Commodore drew heavily from Al Jourgensen’s three most recent anti–George W. Bush rants, which aren’t as well-received or, to be honest, as good as the band’s early material. The first encore featured Psalm’s “N.W.O.” and “Just One Fix” and a blazing rendition of The Mind Is a Terrible Thing to Taste’s “Thieves”. The theme of the night seemed to revolve around lies and deception, particularly from our southern ally. So imagine the feeling of deception when the band finishes its possible final show in Vancouver with three cover songs, capped by an execrable Rolling Stones song (irony?). No “So What”, no “Jesus Built My Hot Rod”, no “Stigmata”, but a version of “Under My Thumb” that a pub band could top. The last original Ministry album was titled The Last Sucker, but I think there were 1,000 suckers at the Commodore on Friday.

> Sean Young

John Lucas replies: Dearest Sean—Have you seen the packaging for The Last Sucker? My theory is that Jourgensen blew the budget on the disc’s holographic cover and 3-D pop-up inner sleeve, so he feels compelled to play the recent material on this tour in hopes that fans will buy the new album to help him recoup the cost. I can see how that would piss you off. After all, we each have things that make our blood boil. Steve Newton, for instance, hates gangsta rap and all it stands for. Just mention 50 Cent in his presence and watch his hands ball into shaking fists. He also starts making this involuntary nose-whistling sound that reminds me of a kettle on the boil. Most of all, though, Newton hates it when people call him “Fig”. But you didn’t hear that from me.

As for Straight music editor Mike Usinger, he’s angry pretty much all the time. When he barricades himself in his office and inserts his wax-encrusted ear buds, you can bet he’s got the Geto Boys at full volume. And if you listen closely, sometimes you can hear him muttering “I bury those cock-a-roaches”. That’s when we know not to disturb him.

Sean Young continues the sickening tradition of refusing to let us know which CDs and concert tickets he’d like. You can voice your impotent rage by snail mail or by sending an e-mail to payback@straight.com.