Starring Mike Myers, Jessica Alba, Justin Timberlake, and Ben Kingsley. Rated 14A.

You’ve been thinking male genitalia simply hasn’t been getting their due on-screen lately. You want more nut bags, more nut punches. In that case, in a nut sack, The Love Guru is for you.

How many meat-and-two-veg, urine, and ass gags does this latest Mike Myers machine shovel? Besides being chock full o’ nuts—including “nut gazing”, where characters are caught eyeing other characters’ packages, and nut-sack–shaped “Indian” appetizers—there’s the repeated clunk of a penis knocking against a metal chastity belt and the thud of another “ginormous hog” hitting the ground. There’s an ashram battle with urine-soaked mops and a bar brawl where a table leg is pulled from someone’s ass. There’s colon flossing with rope. There’s Guru Tugginmypudha, Guru Satchabigknoba, and Dick Pants. There’s elephant coitus on the ice during a hockey game.

Nut-sack humour, and its ilk, can be a fine thing. Or it can be a lame, inane, unfunny thing, as it is (mostly) in The Love Guru.

But two people who find everything hysterically funny are Myers (who cowrote) and his alter ego, the bearded, libidinous number-two self-help swami Guru Pitka (number one, Deepak Chopra, unwisely shows up). We know this because when Myers/Pitka makes unfunny double-entendres or bodily function jokes, he turns to camera or hapless costar and laughs.

Pitka, grooving in his servant-girl-and-celebrity–filled L.A. ashram, yearns to be on Oprah. Toronto Maple Leafs owner Jane Bullard (Jessica Alba) hires him to reunite star player Darren Roanoke (Romany Malco) with wife Prudence (Meagan Good), who is shagging L.A. Kings goalie Jacques “Le Coq” Grande (Justin Timberlake). Then, the Leafs could win the Stanley Cup and Pitka, Oprah.

Timberlake is pretty funny as the Québécois Le Coq, as is Stephen Colbert as a hockey announcer. Alba gets to Bollywood-musical frolic. But Verne Troyer’s hockey coach (turned human puck) is the butt of endless hobbit jokes, and Ben Kingsley is perpetually cross-eyed as Tugginmypudha. The only one really feeling the Myers love here might be Myers.