Being a girl isn’t easy in this world of ours. With so many societal pressures in the media to “fit in”, it’s no wonder why so many girls have a lack of connection to themselves and as a result spend a large part of their adolescence battling body image disorders, substance misuse and abuse, unhealthy relationships, and poor self care.

So who do girls talk to when they have questions or problems? Who do they turn to when puberty sets in and peer pressures start to become a bigger part of their reality? Where do they get their information from?

Over the years of working with young women, the answers to their most intimate questions come from their “more” experienced friends to lead the way and lend out advice and knowledge. The amount of misinformation that flies around peer social circles can often be high.

Many girls have the perception that their mothers are too busy for them or insist that their families just don’t talk about “stuff” like that. Often girls are too embarrassed and fear a lecture from their mothers, thus any conversation a mother may try to have falls into the “Ya Ya, MUM I know!” category.

Many mothers have a similar answer added with a fear of not sharing the right information with their daughters and feeling uneasy about having “that” conversation. They often wait until they are approached for sanitary napkins to give a brief “Do you have any questions?” statement while handing over the products, which may or may not be followed by a reply.

Mothers often struggle with whether or not they should insist on “that” talk or whether they should let their daughters come to them with questions.

Not being a mother myself I can only imagine what challenges mothers face nurturing strong, moral, and community-centered children. Now add having a young adolescent girl around the age of 11 to the mix who is experiencing puberty, who may be a little embarrassed of her body changing or in fear of a lecture about being sexually active, and the challenges increase.

Over the years of working with young women in our communities and in different parts of the world I found that no matter where I work the issues are the same: lack of communication between mothers and daughters.

Open communication between an adult female role model and a young adolescent girl is essential for healthy development. Having open, honest, and (the most important) non judgemental communication is the key to raising strong confident and knowledgeable women.

So how do mothers go about “that” infamous talk without any major conflicts? Thanks to local and national experts, mothers and daughters now have reliable information to make that conversation flow a little bit easier.

This year, Dr. Mary Jo Rapini and Janine Sherman of Houston, Texas, experts in the field of sexuality and women, put out a book entitled “Start Talking: A Girls Guide for You and Your Mom About Health, Sex, or Whatever”. Although the book is based on American statistics, it is still a wealth of knowledge that covers topics including menstruation, health care, sexuality, relationships, birth control, and body image.

The book is designed for mothers and daughters to read and work through together giving examples of how to approach a conversation and how to have “table talks”.

Another great resource is from Lunapads, a local Vancouver company. Owners Madeleine Shaw and Suzanne Siemens put together a booklet this summer and the colourful, well-designed “all you need to know” booklet shares valuable information about menstruation including celebrating “sisterhood”, cycle information, and a great little do-it-yourself cycle chart.

What I love about both books is their approach. All information is open and real; they talk about their own experiences and how to get the right information across to mothers and daughters alike. Both books also talk about the importance of celebrating puberty in young women, which is something we truly lack in our north American culture. We seem to become more fearful of the new challenges young women will face.

So whether you are a mother looking for the right information to share with your daughter or a teenage girl looking for the right way to talk to your mom about your experiences … breathe, gather your thoughts, plan a fun day out, and get talking! Your relationship will be one of the most important ones for the rest of your life.

Loretta Cella is a life coach and founder of the Passion Foundation, which is dedicated to the social development and life skills of young women.