Truth or Trash: How do we find integrity in a superficial world?

In a world that is based on financial accumulation, instant gratification, and superficial fulfillment, how does one connect with old fashion morals, values, and community?

As a single young professional woman in a city that is based upon cliqued groups of wealth and social status with a strange air of superficial energy, I have been trying to make sense as to how I’ve become dissatisfied from what really matters in life.

Raised in a strong European family, there wasn’t a lot of personal choice growing up. The core importance of family, respect, community, and connection were the values that were most important—not having everything I wanted.

As I grew up, I found myself rebelling against everything I was taught as a youth in order to discover how far I could really go in life. Many times it brought me to situations that resulted in some heavy consequences while others brought me alive and I was able to discover different cultures in the world, meet fascinating people, and discover my full potential. However, it wasn’t until the last couple years that I realized that had I not been conditioned with self discipline and family values, I would not have pushed as hard to spread my wings and instead remained grounded.

Working with young people and communities that truly suffer from the lack of basic needs, I was forever grateful. I was always willing to go above and beyond the call of duty, which many people found noble and inspiring but which I believed was my duty as a human being who was part of a community.

Recently, however, I have spend a good amount of time outside of my work, connected to people who were brought up differently: people who live in the world of money, accumulation, power, and appearance, and whose integrity—although present—was based on instant gratification and a “me first” attitude. I have spent time watching television, which is a rarity for me, and found myself flipping daily through the newspaper to see what the world reads on a daily basis. I thought since I finally had the time I might as well see what I have been missing. What I found disgusted me.

Not only did I see what I had not been missing, but I also found that I had become self-absorbed, disconnected from family and real friends, only interested in superficial banter, and seeking instant gratification in all areas of my life. In a matter of weeks I had completely barricaded myself from my values and, in a sense, became broken. The next day I spoke to a dear friend who told me to pick up the book The Art of Possibilities by Benjamin and Rosamund Zander.

The Zanders talk about social justice, values, connection, and contributions to the world throughout this easy-to-read book. After reading the book I realized just how disconnected one could be if they didn’t pay attention to balance in life. It made me realize how the world’s injustices can cause people to detach from their core—strong family upbringing or not.

After a week being frustrated and powerless, I decided to take some action and start doing some of the things that were important to me, the same way I do with my clients. I made lists of things that were important to me in my work, in relationships with people, and in my physical, mental, and spiritual selves and began to reconnect with myself.

Day in and day out I’ve seen people suffer from unfulfilling lives, be it a single woman sick of the lack of dating options in Vancouver or a man feeling limited in his career. Perhaps it’s the married couple that is deciding to give up or the young girl thinking she has had enough of this life and wants to leave the pain. The core of all these issues is disconnection, much like I was feeling. They all want someone or something to give them more than they were willing to contribute to their own lives and those around them.

Too many people get caught up in the superficial; they either get eaten by the desire and live as shallowly as they can, or rebel against it all to find freedom and connection. Be it political matters, financial or housing crises, famine, abuse, crime, or depression, we live in a world that continuously lacking in some way. People will go to any lengths to pay the bills and to feel like they are on the top of whatever circle they are in—which shows more about the human character than we tend to admit. Few people will take the time to exam their lives to gain a deeper value in life and connection to community.

So why not connect to a passion, volunteer your time once a week or reflect on how satisfying your life really is; you might be surprised at what you find.

Loretta Cella is a life coach and founder of the Passion Foundation, which is dedicated to the social development and life skills of young women.