Alanis Morissette
Forget the fact that she used to be the kind of girl who’d go down on you in a theatre, what amazes us most about Alanis Morissette is that she’s got balls the size of cantaloupes. A few weeks back, Miss Thing’s handlers announced that she would deign to do a bit of press for her upcoming show at the Orpheum on Tuesday (November 4). “A bit” meant picking up the phone to do a conference call where multiple journalists would be allowed to ask a question each. For those not familiar with the way the music business works, you know who gets away with that kind of shit? The bigger-than-God likes of Stevie Wonder. Seemingly unaware that Jagged Little Pill was a hit 13 long years ago, Morissette’s people then suggested that the Straight could perhaps write a story using supplied quotes from a conference-call transcript. One that featured, we might add, such illuminating questions as “I noticed that your Ottawa date is set for Thanksgiving weekend. Will you be having Thanksgiving dinner with your family?” Jesus jumped-up Christ. Fuck cantaloupes, Alanis’s yarbles are actually more the size of jumbo pumpkins.
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