Let’s face it—for those of you in the music industry, the glory days are over. Back when the major labels ruled the galaxy, you pretty much lived life large enough to impress Mí¶tley Crí¼e during The Dirt years. Forget shoehorning yourself into economy class on Air Tran-shat, you jetted into town on a private plane pimped out to look like the Jungle Room at Graceland. You had five credit cards, four of which were used for chopping bricks of uncut Colombian nose candy. And never mind slumming it at Mel’s Motor Hotel in glorious Newton, you kicked it in the penthouse suite at the Hotel Vancouver.

That’s all gone. The cases of Cristal, the on-call limo driver, and the Brandi’s V.I.P. card are nothing but a warm and fuzzy memory. Suddenly, you’re living like the rest of us, which presents a challenge when you pull into Vancouver this weekend to celebrate the Junos. Forget expense-accounting dinner at Bishop’s—all meals now go on your personal, already beyond-maxed Visa. Making things more difficult, you have no idea where the starving local artists eat, which means you’ll probably end up at T.G.I. Friday’s.

Relax. Because you no longer have Vancouver’s movers and shakers on speed dial, we’ve made some calls for you. Five local cool kids—some of whom you’ll know, some of whom you should—were happy to tell you where you should be eating this Juno weekend, as well as what to drink when you’re there, and the dish you shouldn’t leave without trying.

Eldorado
Fabulously photogenic spitfire Angela Fama sings for local Americana upstarts Eldorado, who sound like the lonely end of a neon-lit White Pine, Tennessee, tavern two hours past last call. If you like your old-school country with warm Miller High Life and a shot of Jim Beam–flavoured tears, you’ll fall hard for the band’s latest, Suitcase.
The joint: Slickity Jim’s Chat ’N Chew (2513 Main Street)
From the bar: “In my bandmate and copilot Nen Jelicic’s truly original style, when asked what his favorite drink at Slick’s is, he decided to share with me some undying wisdom of astonishing facts. ”˜What do I love about Slick’s? Coffee, coffee, kaufee, c-c-c-c-c-ccccccccoooffeeeeee! Why on earth would anyone drink anything else? Except for that civet-cat coffee. It comes from its bum—eww.’ Uh, yeah, thanks Nen. Is he ever w-r-r-r-r-r-rrrrrong—hate to say it but the coffee at Slick’s is shite! Ha, ha—happily, the fact that they encourage one to go over and get a real coffee (aka double Americano 12-ounce with cream) from one of the many fine coffee establishments hanging all over Main and Broadway gets me coming back over and over again.”
You'll be having: “Society Made Me What I Am. For starters, it’s really fun to say when ordering it. And to follow that (place a properly afflicted tone in one’s voice while crooning), ”˜This dish is like a reminder of what it means to be a part of the human race.’ It’ll insult you when you’re down, yet the soft, yielding hand of a wrap delectably filled with eggs, cheeeese, and Slick’s awesome, independent-from-Yves veggie sausage—sided by not just any salad and grilled house potatoes—will cushion your fall and stroke your cheek back to life.”

Pink Mountaintops/Black Mountain
Stephen McBean keeps himself busy with two projects, both of which have made him the reigning king of Vancouver’s indie-rock scene. When not fronting heavy-as-fuck psych-rockers Black Mountain, he’s the ever-horny guiding light behind the impossibly sexy Pink Mountaintops.
The joint: Slocan Restaurant (2715 East Hastings Street)
From the bar: “The coffee. It makes me forget that I’m not Italian.”
You'll be having: “The Monte Cristo, which reminds me of Warren Hill and the Goo Goo Dolls. Who wouldn’t love a French-toast sandwich?”

Adjective
Ryan Riot sings and plays guitar for Adjective, whose self-titled debut EP, I Am Sorry for Your Loss, sounds like the ’80s before the mousse-abuse brigade showed up with the neon-coloured synthesizers. Yes, we’re talking gloriously gloomy postpunk with a shining heart-of-darkness.
The joint: Bo Kong Vegetarian Restaurant (3068 Main Street)
From the bar: “They have no booze, so go there before the party. Try the soft drinks—they’re carbonated and served in a glass.”
You'll be having: “It’s a Buddhist restaurant, so it’s fully vegetarian. I’m not a vegetarian, but the food here is so good I don’t miss the meat. My fave dish is the sizzling BBQ pepper ”˜steak’—it’s actually made of gluten. You won’t want to share it.”

Evaporators
Long known as the most colourful celebrity interviewer in Canada, Nardwuar the Human Serviette is famous for getting 24-karat gold from iconic performers ranging from Snoop Dogg to Marilyn Manson. When not terrorizing the rich and famous on MuchMusic, he performs with caffeine-jacked garage rockers the Evaporators.
The joint: The Tomahawk Restaurant (1550 Philip Avenue, North Vancouver)
From the bar: “A Tomahawk-size pop! Root beer!”
You'll be having: “The Skookum Chief hamburger. What’s on it? Egg, bacon, wiener, meat, and cheese. Basically three meals in one. I have eaten about 300 Skookum Chiefs in the last 25 years ! So tasty!”

Said the whale
Tyler Bancroft sings and plays guitar with ragged-glory indie upstarts Said the Whale, who currently have the major-label suits at Sub Pop cursing the fact that they let a big one get away.
The joint: Thai Away Home (3315 Cambie Street)
From the bar: “Thai Iced Tea—it doesn’t come in a bucket, nor is it served with a mickey of rum, but if you bring your own colourful twirly straw, you might feel like you’re at a full-moon party in Koh Phangan.”
You'll be having: “Combo A: yellow curry with chicken. Ong-Bak himself couldn’t have created a more delicious and affordable meal. This is the shit Tony Jaa eats before unleashing the ancient art of Muay Thai upon his nemeses. Make sure you substitute your salad for an extra spring roll—if they won’t allow it, just tell them you know us, because three-fifths of our band has at some point worked at that restaurant.”