Kings of Leon
At GM Place on Saturday, August 15

It’s safe to say that half the Fraser Valley got laid on Saturday. Presumably, the other half pulled some action on Sunday, when Kings of Leon hit the stage for their second GM Place show. Yes, if you’re a straight guy under 30 living outside of Van proper, the best thing you can do for your love life is take your girlfriend to see the greasy-banged boys from Tennessee.

The family of four Followills have nailed the art of writing southern-fried, burning-crotch rock that’s catchy enough to crack (and sometimes rule) top-40 radio. Basically, if you weren’t horny before the KOL show, then you definitely were by the end. The proof was in the swaying, spooning, and gyrating couples.

And we have frontman Caleb Followill to thank. He really was the show. First of all, he’s got that gravelly, lust-filled voice that brings out the yearning in all of us. True, he did come dangerously close to spoofing his own pained pipes during a ballad or two when he cranked up the emo factor a tad too much. But overall, it was his God-given talent that carried the 100-minute show.

He was also engaging, not to mention gracious, on-stage. Christ, I lost track of how many times he blessed his sexed-up minions. But it was a lot. There were even a couple of props to God thrown in for good measure. Apparently, you can take the Pentecostal preacher’s kid out of the church, but you can’t take the church out of the Pentecostal preacher’s kid. Good on him, I say. Spiritual transcendence and hot sex are two of the sweetest pursuits known to mankind. It’s only those party poopers in organized religion who said we couldn’t have both. So long live the Kings!

As for the rest of the band, well, let’s just say lead guitarist Matthew Followill and bassist Jared Followill could use a little work in the showmanship department. And it wouldn’t take much, either. All they really need to do is trim their fringes. Every time they tried to look up from playing, they’d waste more time flicking their bangs out of their faces than actually achieving eye contact. So, Caleb, if you’re reading this, would it kill you to share some of your hair product with the other Leon lads?

The show had a nice, even pace to it. The Followills delivered their numerous hits like “Molly’s Chambers” and “Notion” in a respectable and timely fashion, so fillers and lulls seemed almost nonexistent. However, it might be said that their attempts at distortion-fuelled crescendos were a little hard to buy—they didn’t exactly get lost in the music. They’re more proficient than charismatic.

Not surprisingly, the highlight of the show was “Sex on Fire”, which they busted out right splat in the middle of the show. Now, most bands would save their number-one jeans creamer till the end of the set, yes? Not Kings of Leon. And to the group’s credit, it worked. The song came on strongly, salaciously, and without warning, like the perfect storm for pelvic connections. Everybody was singing, dancing, and touching.

Before he left, Caleb threw a couple more God-blesses our way