Various Artists
Now! Christmas 4 (Universal)

Of all the Christmas CDs in the world, Now! Christmas 4 is the Charlie Browniest. Diana Krall, Jann Arden, Faith Hill, the Spice Girlzzzzzzz”¦ Oh, sorry. I drifted off for a second there. Suffice to say that Now! Christmas 4 is the sort of thing you can put on in the background during Christmas dinner and no one will object, or even notice that there’s music playing. The single exception to this rule is Lady Gaga’s “Christmas Tree”, a filthy electro banger with suggestive lyrics (she talks of taking off her stockings and spreading, um, “Christmas cheer”) so blatantly about fucking and sucking that you have to wonder how in the hell it got past the usually vigilant Now! gatekeepers.

Download This: Lady Gaga, “Christmas Tree”

(All Christmas records get one of three ratings: a present for great, a pair of ginch for just okay, and a Charlie Brown tree for rancid.)