You invite Matt Cooke to the music section’s weekly pickup game, and we reward you with a Payback Time T-shirt and two tickets to a Live Nation club show of your choice taking place in Vancouver within the next four weeks. Here’s this week’s winning whinge.

Dear Payback Time: It was nice to see that someone in Vancouver—namely Sarah Rowland—can tell the difference between the Maritime provinces and their respective artists, besides the host of CBC Radio 2 morning. I’m curious as to how you know what it’s like to go on a pub crawl with your parents, because I personally don’t really go out to the pub with my father or my mother as my wingman.

I’m pretty sure no one was disappointed that it wasn’t “indie” enough. That makes about as much sense as “grunge” did to describe Nirvana. Should David Myles have worn a faded derby hat, shelled out $200 for a pair of “indie” jeans at Urban Outfitters, or played his shows in a pair of skateboard shoes? With the exception of maybe Tara Oram, the Rankins, and Anne Murray, most of the East Coast artists, including Joel Plaskett, have their own label and organize recording and promotion themselves. If that isn’t “indie” enough for you then maybe you should find a dictionary. How long did it take you to come up with the ending “long may your jib draw”? I have lived by the ocean my whole life and couldn’t tell you a jib from any other sail or glorified bed sheet. That’s like saying all Vancouver residents are good at sea kayaking and preparing sushi. At least you didn’t bitch too much about free seafood.

> Braden M

Sarah Rowland replies: Dearest Braden—Props to you for twisting an all-positive review into something completely negative—that takes some serious talent (not to mention a whole lotta free time). Anyhoodles, as much as I’d love to blow up this Payback into some sort of inflated East Coast/West Coast thing and burn you with some caustic one-liners, I’m afraid I can’t. For starters, I love Sidney Crosby too much. (Speaking of which, weren’t we all just one big happy sea-to-shining-sea nation less than two weeks ago—what gives, Braden?)

Secondly, it’s just not in me to take you on right now. I’m still a little drowsy from the drug-induced nap I was enjoying before my editor woke me up to answer your e-mail. See, I’m currently battling the mother of all sinus infections. Why, just this morning, my nose bled from blowing it a few thousand times too many. And I think the part of my brain that gives a rat’s ass about what people like you write about me is now petrifying in a rolled up Kleenex tissue along with the other snot rags beside my bed. So you’re gonna have to polish off that bottle of Hater-Ade by yourself. My new drink of choice is NeoCitran. Thank you and good night.

You can voice your impotent rage by snail mail or by sending an e-mail to payback@straight.com