Starring Adam Sandler, David Spade, and Salma Hayek. Rated PG. Opens Friday, June 25, at the Cinemark Tinseltown

One of the most shameless cash-in movies ever made, Grown Ups is a pathetically transparent attempt by Adam Sandler to share the wealth with his less successful buddies.

Like many of his own productions (as opposed to the better movies he acts in for Judd Apatow and others), it was nominally directed by Dennis Dugan and scripted by Sandler and someone else—in this case, Saturday Night Live writer Fred Wolf. It was “written” in the sense that locations were chosen in which some pals could hang out, make pee-pee jokes, smack each other around, wax nostalgic, and just generally humiliate themselves in a tired, desperate plea for laughter.

The only hook is that Hollywood agent Sandler, bumbling businessman Kevin James, New-Age fruitcake Rob Schneider, househusband Chris Rock, and aging playboy David Spade are reunited by the death of the high-school basketball coach who led them to victory back in 1978. That mainly provides opportunities for maudlin music to interrupt the pratfalls, groin injuries, blatant product placements, and breast-feeding jokes.

The last come at the expense of good sport Maria Bello, as James's characterless wife. Playing that role for Sandler is Salma Hayek, as a top fashion designer who sacrifices her trip to Milan for a lakeside reunion in Massachusetts. SNLer Maya Rudolph is Rock's emasculating wife, and the fruitcake's old lady is—get this—played by an old lady! Okay, TV veteran Joyce Van Patten is 76, and we are encouraged to upchuck at the sight of her playing tonsil hockey with the troll-like Schneider. But how weird is it that she used to be married to the director of this sad, soggy trip down mammary lane?