I've been interviewing rockers for the Georgia Straight pretty steady since '82, and very few of the music stories I've written for the paper have gone unpublished. But for some reason—either space limitations or a managing editor with his noise out of joint—this interview with GWAR frontman Dave Brockie, aka Oderus Urungus, never saw the light of day. It's been sitting in a drawer at home along with the only other unpublished Straight pieces I've got, an '80s chat with Ronnie James Dio and a profile of character actor and Hollywood baddie Brion James (you'd recognize him if you saw him).
I have no idea what year this interview actually took place, but I'm guessing late '80s, somewhere around there. I figured this relatively new Ear of Newt blog was the ideal setting—or dumping ground, if you will—to finally unload this ancient, uncut Q&A. The interesting thing is that Brockie got caught off guard (and probably woken up) by a mixup in phone times, so it took him a while to get into the foul-mouthed character of Urungus. Enjoy! (if you can).
Is Dave Brockie there?
Is this Dave?
Hi, it's Steve calling from the Georgia Straight.
Uh, GWAR interview.
I thought it was supposed to be at 12?
Well they told me 11.
I hate my road manager. Allright, interview away, you fuckin' piece o' crud. And don't call me Dave either. My name is Oderus Urungus. It's too early for this but I'll do it anyway. Oh my god—where are you calling from anyway, human?
Vancouver! Oh yes—we cancelled our show there last time for no reason whatsoever. Just a mere, passing whim. In fact, we're probably gonna cancel the show this time as well at the last second, just 'cause you called.
How many people have been killed on stage at GWAR shows?
An incalculable number. There are probably more victims murdered per night than you have hairs on your head. Are you a skinhead?
Even skinheads have little teenie hairs.
What's your favourite way of dispatching them. Decapitation?
Well, decapitation, disembowelment, dismemberment, drawn and quartered, flaying them alive, ripping their arsophagus out through their nostrils, pouring molten lead down their anus. Lemme think—did I mention drawn and quartered? I like using my hands.
Is GWAR's basic aim to glorify violent death?
Well, of course. But it's not really glorification of violence so much as what we do to pass the time. It is my destiny to destroy the entire human race and therefore I kind of see it as a job—a public service, if you will.
Has GWAR ever been banned from certain cities?
Well they've attempted to stop our activities, you know, but I can reshape matter with my left nut. I can eat a tank for lunch if I want. They can attack us with the National Guard and morality squad, whatever, it's pretty much useless. So the media will lie to you and say things about how they attempted and succeeded in cutting my penis off with a laser saw, or banned me from North Carolina for a year, but it's all lies, all deceptions, all untruths. In fact, the leader of your country, George Bush, he's not even a human being. He's a biological construct that I made in my mutant genetic vat, so, you know...
I'm a Canadian, Oderus.
Oh a Canadian, that's right—you humans have nations and all that stuff. Well your leader is also a simpering biological clone.
Was GWAR influenced by acts like Alice Cooper and Kiss?
Oh, of course those acts of humans are pathetic emulations of what GWAR's all about. If I was capable of pity I would show it to them, but of course I'm not. Only hatred.
What other types of music does the average GWAR fan listen to?
Umm...well we wouldn't really know what the activities of our wretched, scummy human fans are besides masturbation and anal intercourse with dead dogs and probably slaughtering his family and popping the numerous butt pimples he'll find populating his anal region, but I would assume that he'd listen to the GWAR album repeatedly, nonstop, 24 hours a day.
How come the GWAR album hasn't been racing up the charts?
Well it has been racing up the charts. That's just another lie—it's gone quadruple-platinum already. I understand that the government's trying to keep it all suppressed here; it's making me very angry. I'll have to kill and kill again.
Do GWAR have groupies or do they just decapitate them?
Well, unfortunately, we don't seem to attract that many females. The GWAR groupie is more typically a young male who follows us back to the hotel room and then tries to get Oderus to butt-fuck him. Of course I do indulge him in his gay whim. You have to get fucked before you get killed—that's just the way it is.
Does the name GWAR stand for anything in particular, like "Gee, what a racket!" or something?
No, that's another pathetic human attachment to putting some kind of label upon GWAR, but it was actually the first word that we uttered when we awoke from our Antarctic tomb. We were actually called GWARAGGLLGARGLLE for a while, but it was too long for flyers, so we had to cut it down to GWAR. That was [manager] Sleazy Di Martini's idea.
So this will be your first time in Vancouver, Oderus.
No, we played there a couple of years ago, I do believe.
Oh yeah—at Club Soda.
Yeah, and the streets did run red with slaughter and ruin. The bloodstains just won't come off my hands. But we'll be back. I find Canadians very plump and healthy people. And the beer's pretty good too. I've always enjoyed killing that race.