Why I didn't watch the royal wedding

This morning, before the break of dawn, thousands of Canadians rose from their slumbers and watched Prince William marry his Princess Bride, Kate Middleton.

I wasn’t one of them. Not because I’m a staunch anti-monarchist. (Though I do wonder about the point of a royal family. I mean, really, what purpose do they really serve other than to shore up the stock prices of scones, tea, and gin?) Not because I didn’t want to. But for the following reasons:

1. I don’t have a television. I watch a lot of shows online, and I could have found some streaming live coverage of the event, I suppose. I also know people with televisions, one of whom was hosting a viewing party. So why didn’t I go? Well, let me move on to reason number two:

2. I’m lazy. Seriously, you want me to get out of bed at 3 a.m., and then go to work five hours later? Are you out of your mind?

3. My kid actually SLEPT IN. This is huge. At 18 months he more often than not wakes up at 5:30. You think I’m going to sacrifice an extra hour of sleep, even for our future king and queen? Nuh-uh.

4. I’m going to be assaulted in all directions by royal wedding coverage for the next 24 hours. I’m sure I’ll get my fill. I’ve already heard enough of the bells of Westminster Abbey that I’m turning into a hunchback.

That said, having taken in my fill of images of the bride (and groom), I must say she looked beautiful, gorgeous, and truly princessy. Okay, what the hell: SQUEEE!!