News for Youse: Children of Men continues to come true, and Toronto just says, “Yes, but no.”

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      Back when News for Youse was just a wide-eyed schoolboy in short pants, there was a very popular TV show on the BBC called Tomorrow’s World in which blandly optimistic TV personalities (and occasionally Dr. Magnus Pike) would talk about the glorious techno-utopia that awaited.

      They got some things right: music is portable, home computers did indeed become affordable and widespread, we’ve learned to recycle and extract useful material from human shit (not sure they ever covered this, actually). And, of course— flying cars!

      What they didn’t mention on Tomorrow’s World is that the future would also turn out to be a 24-hour techno-police state nightmare of constant surveillance, crushing debt, paralyzing fear, ever-evolving methods of getting people to ardently embrace their own dehumanization, and the almost total infiltration of our public institutions by carbon-based bipeds so bereft of decency or common sense that you have to wonder if they actually belong to a separate species.

      At least, I don’t recall that ever coming up.

      Case in point! Only a few short tube stops and three decades away from BBC centre where the future was once hatched, these poor saps have elected to eat shit and grin while they’re doing it—all in the name of progress (and keeping their jobs).

      While dealing with the increased stresses brought on by the Olympics this summer, staff at London’s data-management centre Interxion will sleep in the fuck-off stupid little stackable metal pods pictured above, in order to avoid the unprofitable business of going home to their families and living a marginally decent life. And you can rest assured that if these proto-drones are doing it now, one day you’ll be expected to do it too.

      The company Podtime is banking on it. “We see the sleeping pods as a good cheap solution for those ‘staff-critical’ companies which must have 24/7 cover for vital procedures,” chirps company director, Jon Gray. Funny—we see them as further evidence that the movie Children of Men was conceived by a highly accurate clairvoyant.

      Following-up on a story mentioned in News for Youse on Wednesday, Toronto is demonstrating that some carbon-based bipeds are so resilient to anything resembling a good idea that you couldn’t force it through their thick idiot heads if you mounted the fucker on a spinning diamond drill bit designed by Professor Bernard Quatermass.

      Failing that, countless—and we mean countless—studies acknowledging the effectiveness of safe injection sites just aren’t enough for certain granite-noggin’d elders in Toronto. After reading the results of their own basically redundant four year probe into the benefits of an enlightened public health policy, some city councilors just aren’t convinced.

      “I have some doubts as to whether or not there is real benefit and whether or not you don’t just attract more problems,” sniffed appropriately handled Deputy Mayor Doug Holydale, referring not so much to the to the recommendations of the report— called the Toronto and Ottawa Supervised Consumption Assessment—as he was to terrifying imaginary scenarios that he pulled out of his fat ass.

      Echoing this—quel surprise!— was Police Chief Bill Blair, who proudly demonstrated his blinding ignorance of the DTES when he cautioned, “They have been doing it in Vancouver for some years and there have been issues that have arisen there,” while Public Health board chairman Councillor John Filion weighed in and added, “we could well end up attracting people to Toronto that wouldn’t normally come here if you start setting these sites up…”

      Fair enough— you wouldn’t want to go and ruin a city teeming with people of Mayor Rob Ford’s calibre.