All right, everybody. It's time to strike up the band and start singing the national anthem—not in that scary “bombs bursting in air” American way, but in a quieter “with glowing hearts” Canadian way. When I chose the seven most interesting shows in the upcoming spring season, six of them just happened to be Canadian, and the seventh, Each…and Every Inch , is a Scottish company's take on a Canadian novel, Elizabeth Smart's By Grand Central Station I Sat Down and Wept .

One of the reasons this country's plays are so good is because, within its funding limitations, the Canada Council for the Arts has diligently promoted new work. And theatre has remained intelligent because it's not a massive capitalist enterprise. There's not enough money in Canadian theatre for the Americans to want to own it, as they control our movie screens. They suck out our brains in the cinema, but we reconstitute our grey matter in live theatre. Canadian plays keep us healthy and unique—kind of like cultural medicare.

Hippies and Bolsheviks (March 1 to 11 at Performance Works and March 14 to 18 at the Shadbolt Centre for the Arts) Amiel Gladstone's newest work—this one's for Touchstone Theatre—looks at the sexual revolution in Vancouver in the 1970s. A woman named Star (Lara Gilchrist) is screwing a draft-dodger (Keegan Macintosh) when Allan (Andrew McNee), a guy from her commune in the Interior, shows up at her door. Uh-oh. How free is free love? The Draw: Gladstone ( The Wedding Pool , Lena's Car ) is a gently quirky playwright and director Katrina Dunn is among the best in town. Target Audience: It all comes down to long hair. Do you have it? Do you remember when you did? Did your parents have it? You're in.

Half Life (March 14 to April 8 at the Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage) Scientist-turned-playwright John Mighton is fascinated by perception and intelligence. In Half Life , Patrick, a new resident in a nursing home, falls for Clara, who has dementia. Clara's son objects to his mother's marriage plans as if defending a teenage daughter from ravishment. The Draw: The artistic roster for this Necessary Angel production (presented by the Arts Club Theatre) is studded with some of Toronto's finest talent, including actors Eric Peterson and Randy Hughson, and director Daniel Brooks. Target Audience: Anyone who has ever lost their keys.

Yu-Fo (March 27 to March 31 at Performance Works as part of Rumble Theatre's TREMORS Festival) Maiko Bae Yamamoto's new script tells the tale of a Canadian man and the spooky Japanese woman he meets on the edge of the Sea to Sky Highway—just before blinding lights appear over his head and he starts screaming. The Draw: Veda Hille is designing the sound for this show, which explores the notion of musical storytelling. Target Audience: People who are out-there enough to believe in UFOs, and people who get out there enough to know that Theatre Replacement, the producing company, is the hottest of the hot in Vancouver theatre these days.

Bigger than Jesus (March 28 to April 7 at the Vancouver East Cultural Centre) In this international hit from Toronto's WYRD and Necessary Angel theatre companies, director Daniel Brooks and actor-comedian Rick Miller divide the script into sections that mirror the stages of Christ's Passion. Miller plays a different character in each one; these include a Jewish academic, a revivalist preacher, an obsequious flight attendant—and the Nazarene Himself. The Draw: Miller stages the Last Supper using plastic figurines that include likenesses of Jesus, Darth Vader, the Tin Man, and George W. Bush. Target Audience: Anyone who agrees with Carl Jung's notion that religion is a defence against the experience of God.

Trout Stanley (April 7 to 22 at Performance Works and April 25 to 28 at the Shadbolt Centre for the Arts) In Claudia Dey's newest work, twin sisters Grace and Sugar Ducharme, who subsist in Tumbler Ridge, celebrate their 30th birthday. The date is always accompanied by mysterious crimes. This year, a local stripper and Scrabble champ disappears. Shortly thereafter, a man named for a fish shows up with blood on his hands—and the claim that he has never told a lie. The Draw: This Ruby Slippers production stars three of the best actors in the world: Lois Anderson, Colleen Wheeler, and Jonathon Young. Target Audience: Fans of the Coen brothers' movies. People who like their art white-trashy and weird.

Each…and Every Inch (April 18 to 29 at the Vancouver East Cultural Centre) Scotland's Theatre Cryptic explores the pain and passion of Canadian Elizabeth Smart's novel By Grand Central Station I Sat Down and Wept in this processional piece, which will be staged in the nooks and crannies of the Cultch. Elements include theatrical scenes, a live cello duet, and the sound of shattering glass. The Draw: This programming is a continuation of last year's British Installation Theatre Week, which included some of the most exciting artistic events Vancouver has ever seen. Target Audience: Anybody who wants to be there as a witness when theatre transforms itself.

The Andersen Project (May 4 to 27 at the Vancouver Playhouse) In Robert Lepage's solo show for his company Ex Machina, Frederic, an albino musician from Montreal, has been commissioned to create an opera based on Hans Christian Andersen's tale “The Dryad”. Frederic's main contact at the opera house is a man addicted to porn booths. The Draw: Thematic riches: sexual identity, art as a consolation for solitude, the absurdity of arts bureaucracies. Target Audience: The Canadian Lepage is easily the most talked-about theatremaker in the world today.

THEATRE CALENDAR

ARTS CLUB THEATRE
» THE OPTIMISTS to March 3, Granville Island Stage
» HALF LIFE March 8–April 8, Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage
» HOCKEY MOM, HOCKEY DAD March 22–April 21, Granville Island Stage
» GYPSY May 10–July 8, Stanley Industrial Alliance Stage.
» SUDS: THE ROCKIN' ‘60S MUSICAL SOAP OPERA June 21–Aug. 4, Granville Island Stage. Tix $25.50 to $61 (plus service charges and fees) from Ticket­master, 604-280-3311. Info 604-687-1644, www.artsclub.com/ .

AUMENTARE PRODUCTIONS
» DEATH DEFYING ACTS April 18–May 5, Havana Restaurant. Tix and info 604-813-9409, www.aumentare.com/ .

AXIS THEATRE COMPANY
» THE NUMBER 14 To March 24, Waterfront Theatre. Tix $29 to $38 from Tickets Tonight, www.ticketstonight.ca/ , info www.axistheatre.com/ .

BLACKBIRD THEATRE
» THE TRIUMPH OF LOVE May 18-26, Vancouver East Cultural Centre . Tix $12 to $29 (plus service charges and fees), at Ticketmaster, 604-280-3311. Info 604.921.8588, www.blackbirdtheatre.ca/ .

EVERGREEN CULTURAL CENTRE
» TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE March 27-31
» MOM'S THE WORD 2: UNHINGED April 19-21. Tix and info 604-927-6555, www.evergreenculturalcentre.ca/ .

FIREHALL ARTS CENTRE All performances at the Firehall Arts Centre.
» BANANA BOYS to March 17. Info 604-689-0926, www.firehallartscentre.ca/ .

GATEWAY THEATRE All performances at the Gateway Theatre.
» HAVING HOPE AT HOME April 12-28
» THE BOND March 8-17
» FISH EYES May 3-12. Info 604-270-1812, www.gatewaytheatre.com/ .

LIGHTED FOOLS CO-OP
» THE MAIDEN'S PRAYER to March 11, Studio 16. Tix $15 to $18 from 778-835-0141. Info www.themaidensprayer.com .

PACIFIC THEATRE All performances at the Pacific Theatre.
» GRACE March 15–April 14
» SIDE SHOW: A NIGHT AT THE IMPROV April 26-28
» REMNANTS (A FABLE) May 17–June 9. Tix $9 to $32. Info 604-731-5518, www.pacifictheatre.org/ .

RADIX THEATRE
» ASSEMBLY March 29, Pacific Palisades Hotel. Info 604-254-0707, www.radixtheatre.org/

RAVING THEATRE
» MEMOIRS OF A SINGLE GAY WHITE MALE April 25-29, Performance Works. Tix $20 from Tickets Tonight 604-231-7535. Info www.ravingtheatre.com/ .

ROYAL CITY MUSICAL THEATRE Performances at the Massey Theatre, New Westminster
» 42ND STREET April 12-28. Tix and info www.royalcitymusicaltheatre.com/ .

RUBY SLIPPERS THEATRE
» TROUT STANLEY April 7-22 at Performance Works, April 25-28 at The Shadbolt Centre for the Arts. Info 604-602-0585, www.rubyslippers.ca/ .

RUMBLE PRODUCTIONS
» TREMORS March 14-31, Performance Works. Tix from Tickets Tonight, 604-231-7535. Info 604-662-3395, www.rumble.org/ .

SEE SEVEN
» HIPPIES AND BOLSHEVIKS March 1-11, Performance Works, and March 14-18, Shadbolt Centre for the Arts
» TREMORS March 14-31, Performance Works
» TROUT STANLEY April 7-22, Performance Works, and April 25-28, Shadbolt Centre for the Arts
» REVENGE May 3-12, Firehall Arts Centre
» ARABIAN NIGHT May 18–June 2, Performance Works. Tix from Tickets Tonight, 604-231-7235. Info 604-257-0366, www.seeseven.bc.ca/ .

SFU THEATRE All performances at SFU Theatre.
» DOCTOR FAUSTUS LIGHTS THE LIGHTS March 2-3, 6-7, 9-10. Tix $7 to $10 from SFU Theatre box office. Info: 604-291-3514, theatre@sfu.ca/ .

SHADBOLT CENTRE FOR THE ARTS All performances at the Shadbolt Centre for the Arts.
» STRIPPED to March 3, April 5-7
» HIPPIES AND BOLSHEVIKS March 14-18
» TUESDAYS WITH MORRIE March 15-17
» MOM'S THE WORD 2: UNHINGED March 19-20
» THE MYSTERY OF EDWIN DROOD April 18-21
» TROUT STANLEY April 25-28
» ELISA'S SKIN April 27-29
» THE HERETIC May 4-6
» DO RE MI June 6-9. Tix $12 to $28. Info 604-205-3000, www.shadboltcentre.com/ .

SPRING BREAK THEATRE FESTIVAL FOR YOUNG AUDIENCES
» THE 3 LITTLE FAIRY TALES March 17,19,20,23, Revue Stage; March 21, Surrey Arts Centre; March 22, Shadbolt Centre for the Arts
» THE EMPEROR'S NEW THREADS March 19, 22-23, Revue Stage; March 20, Surrey Arts Centre; March 21, Shadbolt Centre for the Arts
» THE BIG LEAGUE March 20, Shadbolt Centre for the Arts, March 21, Revue Stage; March 22, Surrey Arts Centre
» SHOWDOWN March 17, 20-22, Revue Stage; March 23, Shadbolt Centre for the Arts. Tix $9 or two shows for $14 (plus service charges and fees) from Ticketmaster, 604-280-3311. Info www.shadboltcentre.com/ , www.artsclub.com/ , www.arts.surrey.ca/ .

STUDIO 58 All performances at Studio 58.
» SUMMER FOLK March 22–April 8. Info 604-323-5652, www.langara.bc.ca/studio58/ .

THEATRE AT UBC All performances at various UBC venues.
» MOTHER COURAGE AND HER CHILDREN March 7-17. Tix $6 to $20. Info 604-822-2678, www.theatre.ubc.ca/ .

THEATRE LA SEIZIEME
» APOCALYPSE A KAMLOOPS March 21-31. Tix $17 to 41. Info 604-736-2616, www.seizieme.ca/ .

TOUCHSTONE THEATRE
» HIPPIES AND BOLSHEVIKS March 1-11, Performance Works, and March 14-18, Shadbolt Centre for the Arts. Tix $18 to $24 (plus service charges and fees). Info 604-709-9973, www.touchstonetheatre.com/ .

UNITED PLAYERS All performances at the Jericho Arts Centre.
» THE IMPROMPTU OF OUTREMONT April 6-29
» THE LADIES OF THE CAMELLIAS June 7-24. Tix $12 to $16. Info 604-224-8007, www.unitedplayers.com/ .

VANCOUVER EAST CULTURAL CENTRE All performances at the VECC.
» BIGGER THAN JESUS March 28–April 7
» EACH...AND EVERY INCH April 18-29
» THE TRIUMPH OF LOVE May 18-26. Tix $23 to $29 (plus service charges and fees), at Ticketmaster, 604-280-3311. Info 604-251-1363, www.vecc.bc.ca/ .

VANCOUVER MOVING THEATRE
» WE'RE ALL IN THIS TOGETHER April 19-29, Russian Hall (600 Campbell Street). Tix suggested donation $5-20. Info 604-254-6911.

THE VANCOUVER PLAYHOUSE All performances at the Playhouse.
» MOONLIGHT AND MAGNOLIAS to March 17
» THE SYRINGA TREE March 31–April 21
» THE SYRINGA TREE March 31–April 21
» THE ANDERSEN PROJECT May 4-27. Tix $25 to $75. Info 604-873-3311, www.vancouverplayhouse.com/ .