At the Pacific Coliseum on Friday, March 2

Judging by the long line of limos parked outside the Pacific Coliseum, Meat Loaf wasn't just a concert but an event. Some fans were clearly making a night of it—maybe doing a line or two for old times' sake. (Heck, why not—they probably booked the sitter for the evening.) Or perhaps they tried a new position on the back seat of their presidential ride (even though it meant risking a sore back later on). But one has to wonder if those who shelled out for a chauffeur (and most likely a suh-weet three-star hotel) felt ripped off when the king of theatrical rock limped out on-stage in jeans and a numbered T as though he just rolled off the couch halfway through a Bears game. My guess is no. There was no time to be disappointed because ol' Marvin Lee Aday launched right into "Paradise by the Dashboard Light".

Vocally, Loaf seemed up to speed. His choice in backup singers was somewhat questionable, though. For the famous three-part epic, he chose Aspen Miller as his duet partner. Ellen Foley she was not. Looking like a suburban peeler, Miller was decked out in a slutty cheerleader outfit and white-hot hooker boots. But it wasn't her costume that was off-putting. It was the fact that she sang Foley's parts with a slight country twang, effectively ruining the whole Jersey trash appeal of the song. Still, the crowd lapped it up.

After that, the hits just kept rolling out. "You Took the Words Right Out of My Mouth (Hot Summer Night)" rallied everybody into a sing-along. This is where the classic-rock forefather stopped the show for some improv shenanigans by calling out some poor chump in the third row for not participating. He ended his rant by threatening to kick the shy stiff's ass if he didn't start belting out the tunes. Even though this idle threat was made in fun, it's hard to imagine what kind of damage a hunched 59-year-old in penny loafers could inflict on anyone.

The highlight of the night was "Two Out of Three Ain't Bad", in which our aging headliner mustered up all the heartfelt intensity he could, and it paid off. This would have been a good place to leave us, or better yet, "Bat out of Hell". But no, he ended with a misguided cover of "Gimme Shelter", which was wrong for no other reason than Meat Loaf doesn't do sexy. Plus, if you're going to venture into Stones territory, bring proper backup. In other words, he should have ditched the two skinny skanks on the mike and found himself a 250-pound soul sister. Has 30 years in show biz taught him nothing?