Dear U.S. defense employees: please stop looking at porn at work

According to a report in Bloomberg News, staffers at the Pentagon's Missile Defense Agency—you know, the one that makes sure we don't get nuked by intercontinental balistic missiles—put out a memo last week requesting that its employees stop looking at pornography at work.

In the memo, the agency's executive director, John James Jr., wrote that employees should not be “accessing websites, or transmitting messages, containing pornographic or sexually explicit images"—not because he hates porn, but because it's a wee bit dangerous to be downloading malware onto the computers that are used to protect the country from attack.

Guys, we know the ICBM monitoring business has been slow lately, but looking at porn on your work computer is kind of, well, entirely gross. Couldn't you just jerk off in the bathroom with a magazine like everyone else?

Internal monitoring showed that only six of the agency's 8,000 employees had accessed pornography at work, which begs the question: was a formal memo necessary at all?

Of course, no memo means nothing for journalists to laughingly write up, so…

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