Don't worry: you can be neurotic and happy

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      A movie called The Secret is sweeping the world. At least that's what its official Web site claims, along with the fact that the information it contains promises "a new era in humankind". Watch the film, which even Oprah Winfrey is promoting, and you'll discover the secret to everything–"unlimited joy, health, money, relationships, love, youth: everything you have ever wanted". It, or the book of the same name, could change your life forever, the site exclaims. Apparently, said secret is based on the law of attraction: think about good things happening to you and they will. I can't tell you any more about it, since I don't plan on punching in my credit-card number to authorize a charge of US$29.95 to buy the DVD. And chances are neither will David Granirer. The local registered professional counsellor takes such platitudes as "think positive" and "visualize what you want and all your dreams will come true" and swiftly drop-kicks them out the door.

      Granirer has just published The Happy Neurotic: How Fear and Angst Can Lead to Happiness and Success (Warwick, $16.95). It's classified as a self-help book, but it's unlike any other in that category. It doesn't advocate eradicating all of your fears and negative emotions, nor does it advise trusting in the universe. Rather, the book's key message is this: You can be your true, neurotic self and still be content, successful, and high-functioning.

      The Vancouver father of two explains in a phone interview with the Georgia Straight that he uses the term happy neurotic to refer to people who are anxious and self-doubting but who nevertheless acknowledge their neuroses and can even poke fun at them. It's not meant to trivialize the very real suffering that some people experience because of serious mental illness.

      Besides being a counsellor, the Jerusalem-born Granirer is a comic. He teaches Stand Up for Mental Health, a course in standup comedy in which people with mental-health conditions use humour to build self-confidence and conquer the stigma that accompanies their illness. A self-described neurotic and proud of it, Granirer is no stranger to the kinds of issues his students grapple with: he's long suffered from depression and has been taking medication to treat it for the last decade.

      Years ago, Granirer turned to the kinds of seminars and books that promised the same level of personal development, achievement, and ultimate bliss that The Secret does. A common theme among them, he says, is the goal of eliminating feelings like fear and self-doubt. Granirer disagrees.

      "The fallacy in new-age thinking about painful emotions is that they will sabotage and bring down terrible 'karma' upon your sorry ass," he writes in The Happy Neurotic. "What I'm here to tell you is that in fact, painful emotions are absolutely essential to you. It takes way more energy to suppress these emotions than it does to understand and use them.

      "So-called negative emotions are not the enemy," he writes. "In most people they are a natural physiological phenomenon. We have these uncomfortable feelings to ensure our survival and success as human beings. The problem isn't having fear and other negative emotions; it's knowing what to do with them."

      Granirer explains that most self-help and new-age workshops set people up to fail. "We're never going to be 100-percent free of doubt or unstoppably confident," he says. "They're telling you to become something you can never be. But we're made to believe that if you don't get there, you need to take the next workshop. And lo and behold there's a new product you need to get. It's a never-ending loop."

      In other words, the myth of perfection fuels a billion-dollar industry.

      He also blasts the notion that "trusting the universe" will provide us with everything we need. By contrast, Granirer sees that philosophy as an unrealistic and unreliable way to deal with such unavoidable and necessary things as paying the bills.

      "Fear has gotten a really bad rap," Granirer says. "When we were living in the bush fighting the sabre-toothed tiger, we didn't trust the universe. If we had, we'd be extinct.”¦Fear is the best motivator there is.”¦It's a validation to say 'I'm a neurotic and I get a heck of a lot accomplished because of that.'"

      To put it another way, Granirer includes in his book a quote from the Sufi mystic Rumi: Trust in Allah and tie your camel. "By all means, place your trust in a higher power, pursue personal growth and spirituality if that is your bent," Granirer writes, "but also take appropriate and sensible precautions to deal with the issues of your life.

      "Recently, I actually heard a speaker claim that I could become a millionaire by loving myself and getting rid of negative thoughts," he states in the book. "I tried it. Surprise, surprise–I'm still broke. Is it because I'm still stuck in self-loathing? Is it because I have a poverty complex? Or is it because I have a mortgage, two kids, and a VISA card?"

      Granirer does much more than express his take on new-age thinking in The Happy Neurotic (for which he has events at the Chapters downtown [788 Robson Street] on Wednesday [April 11] and the Chapters in South Granville [2505 Broadway] next Thursday [April 12]). He deconstructs the myth of emotional self-sufficiency, for instance, explaining why loneliness can be a good thing. He discusses why it's important to honour your inner skeptic. He talks about how the use of humour can bolster self-esteem. For those who are interested, he provides "self-deprecating humour skills". (His next Stand Up for Mental Health event takes place April 15 at the Arts Club Granville Island Stage.) In his "final call to inaction", Granirer shares tips on how to have a perfectly ordinary day in which you strive not for excellence but for "good enough". And he encourages you to stop spending time and money trying to rid yourself of normal human emotions.

      The Happy Neurotic has plenty of laughs, but it isn't just entertaining. The book is extraordinarily refreshing and honest–and free of pricey secrets.

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