At the Lamplighter on Friday, March 30

Well, StinkMitt has nothing to worry about. When it comes to funny rhymes, Iowa's Leslie & the LYs has nothing on Surrey's most celebrated cougars. In fact, the Corn State comedy crew is more of an embarrassment to the MySpace generation than anything else. But tell that to the young ironists who packed the Lamplighter to see a 200-pound female rapper by the name of Leslie Hall (aka Mother Gem). They couldn't get enough of her. So what's the deal with this self-proclaimed Internet sensation? Allow me to put it in terms that readers born before '87 will understand: Take two parts Dame Edna (bouffant and ridiculous glasses), two parts Elvis impersonator (gold spandex jump suit and morbid obesity), one part Super Dave Osborne (inept on-stage stunts), and no parts funny. That's Hall in a nutshell.

Instead of rhyming about camel toes, jailbait, and clits (you know, funny stuff), Hall and her hapless sidekick, DJ Dr. Laura, rapped about zombie killers, gold pants, and gaudy tops. The latter are apparently a big part of her shtick. She collects glittery thrift-store sweaters and encourages her fans to do likewise. So to top off her cyber-hit "Gem Sweater Lullaby", she brought five girls on-stage to praise them for their Value Village finery. Her other big gag is to pick a couple of guys from the crowd to support a beam across their shoulders. The golden heifer then straps on a harness and attaches herself to the plank so that she can rap suspended in midair (well, more like two inches off the ground). Judging by the way the board was dipping in the middle, those two guys paid dearly for that one the next day.

Throughout the set, I kept waiting for the funny, but it never came. The only humorous thing Hall has ever done (in this writer's opinion, anyway) is give a nod to Loretta Lynn by naming her album Door Man's Daughter. Other than that, her gimmick could easily be boiled down to one SCTV skit, and even then it's hard to imagine Hall and Laura doing a better job than the incomparable Andrea Martin and Catherine O'Hara. Sorry kids, I just don't get it.

Also on the bill were Vancouver's Elixxxirs, an energetic ska trio that warmed up the crowd for Hall. This hipster-free outfit looked like it was straight outta Degrassi Junior High–the first generation, particularly the all-smiles, just-happy-to-be-there bassist Chris King. He was more Zit Remedy than Wheels Wheeler himself. He and his bandmates were having so much darn fun up there; they'd be the perfect act for a year-end high-school dance.

The Highballs, on the other hand, would be ideal for a 40-year high-school reunion…in the sticks. Baby boomers living in the 'burbs would totally dig the septet's highly danceable mariachi approach to garage and ska. Decked out in Shriner fezzes and singing in bastardized Spanish, these guys were able to clear the room of Hall's fans in record time and replace them with their own devoted following–marking the third and final lightning-fast turnover of the night. It was like three shows in one evening, each with its own pros and cons. However, there was only one act that made me say the words I never thought I'd utter: StinkMitt really does the Lower Mainland proud.