There has to be some reason for June in Vancouver. Every year it’s the same old thing: weather that makes you wonder what the hell you were thinking when you decided to flee Toronto for the West Coast. Take heart—summer is almost here. And whether you’re talking now-legendary brother-and-sister rawk duos from Detroit or the dude who brought sexy back in 2006, there are plenty of can’t-miss concerts over the next four months to keep you from packing up and moving to L.A.

White Stripes Is there such a thing as having too much style? Based on the cover of the White Stripes latest, Icky Thump, the answer is yes, as Jack and Meg White sport duds that make them look like: a) bullfighters from the Special Olympics, b) the pastiest-faced pimps on the planet, or c) what Spinal Tap’s manager would describe as an Australian’s nightmare. As, um, “interesting” as their getup might be, at least they’re making a statement, which is more than Daughtry can say. And speaking of statements, you won’t find a more dramatic one this year than the hammer-of-the-gods marauder that is Icky Thump’s first single, the appropriately titled “Icky Thump”. Somewhere, John Bonham is watching in amazed awe. When and where: June 24 at Deer Lake Park. Suggested retail price: $49.50 plus service charges. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: A ticket stub from the Motor City duo’s debut Vancouver appearance at the Pic Pub. Fan profile: Everyone from Zulu frequent flyers to suburban rock-radio listeners who think Sympathy for the Record Industry is that old Rolling Stones song they sometimes hear on the Fox. Appropriate attire: Anything but red pants and a white shirt, which is so 2001. What you’ll walk away with: If their stage attire matches the Stripes’ Icky Thump costumes, seared retinas.

SURREY’S CANADA DAY 2007 Yes, we’ve heard all the jokes. You know, the ones like “What does a Surrey girl put behind her ears to attract men?” (Answer: her ankles.) But when’s the last time snotty, old, ever-superior Vancouver held a major concert for free? And no, all the street-skronking that goes down during the jazz fest doesn’t count. Surrey’s Canada Day 2007 features CFMI staples April Wine and Kim Mitchell, with Wide Mouth Mason offering something for the not-quite-ready-for-the-defibrillator set. The best part: it won’t cost you a thing except gas. And please, no jokes about grass, ass, and how no one rides for free. When and where: July 1 at Cloverdale Millennium Amphitheatre. Suggested retail price: Free. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: A pit bull. Fan profile: Have you ever seen The Trailer Park Boys? Appropriate attire: Beer-stained wife-beaters and femullets. What you’ll walk away with: The feeling you’ve just been handed the keys to the rusted-out Airstream.

VANS WARPED TOUR All right, punky, you definitely know the drill by now. Officially the longest-running megafestival in North America, the Warped Tour has outlasted Lollapalooza and maintains a street cred that Ozzfest can only dream of. As much as Pennywise’s inevitable offering of “Bro Hymn” will be guaranteed to send chills down your tattooed spine, it’s up-and-comers like the Red Jumpsuit Apparatus, Cute Is What We Aim For, and Paramore that will give you the chance to say you saw tomorrow’s chart toppers today. When and where: July 3 at Thunderbird Stadium. Suggested retail price: $42.50 plus service charges. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: Barbecue lessons with Pennywise guitarist (and reputed gourmand) Fletcher Dragge. Fan profile: Miscreants who were still shitting their Huggies back when L7, Sublime, and No Doubt hit the road for the first edition of what’s evolved into a punk-rock rite of passage. Appropriate attire: Because it’s important to give something back, start with a pair of Vans. What you’ll walk away with: Following the Unseen’s set, the burning question “I wonder how I’d look with a Mohawk?”

DEFTONES God bless big bands that would rather play small venues. Los Angeles alt-metal alchemists the Deftones would have no problem filling the Forum, a room with all the charm of a barn that hasn’t been cleaned since Franklin Roosevelt was wheeling around the White House. Instead, fans will get the chance to get up close and personal at the Commodore during a special three-night stand. Even though you’ll be able to see the whites of their eyes, please resist the urge to start screeching “Change (In the House of Flies)” the second the Deftones hit the stage. When and where: July 10 to 12 at the Commodore Ballroom. Suggested retail price: $37.50 plus service charges. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: A DVD copy of The Crow: City of Angels, which, as every true fan knows, features the silver-screen debut of the Deftones. Fan profile: Metalheads who are sensitive enough to appreciate singer Chino Moreno’s undying love for Robert Smith. Appropriate attire: Wallet chains, preferably attached to Underworld skateboard pants. What you’ll walk away with: A mild case of whiplash from banging your head to “Change (In the House of Flies)”.

THE TRAGICALLY HIP He can play the true-blue Canadian card all he wants, but surely there must be days when Gordon Downie rolls out of bed at his palatial Kingston mansion to wonder what might have been. After all, if those goddamn geldings the Barenaked Ladies got their 15 minutes stateside, why did the Hip never click south of the 49th parallel? Like igloos, tuques, and Tim Hortons double-doubles, Downie and company remain a strictly Canuck phenomenon. And no, that doesn’t make “New Orleans Is Sinking” any less a stone-cold classic. When and where: July 12 at GM Place. Suggested retail price: $75.50/55.50/39.50 plus service charges. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: A one-way ticket to Hogtown. Fan profile: Unrepentant hosers who—no doubt to the horror of Gordon Downie—wouldn’t know the Group of Seven from The Magnificent Seven. Appropriate attire: Hockey jerseys, preferably blue with white trim. What you’ll walk away with: The smug conviction that you are indeed superior to our American neighbours.

THE POLYPHONIC SPREE There are those who, quite rightly, suspect that the Polyphonic Spree isn’t as much a band as a cult. The last time the Dallas collective played Vancouver, half of the city’s scenester community went AWOL the next day, leading to rumours they’d been spotted headed to Texas on a jam-packed Bluebird bus, white robes flapping as they sang “It’s the Sun” over and over again for three days straight. These days the two-dozen or so members of the Polyphonic Spree sport black military uniforms, and no amount of deprogramming will convince us that they don’t look cooler than Jonestown in the early days. When and where: July 13 at the Commodore. Suggested retail price: $25 plus service charges. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: Everything. Fan profile: Wide-eyed hipsters who aren’t afraid to let the sun shine in. Appropriate attire: Rags, because if the show is half as transcendent as the Spree’s Richard’s stand, you’ll be ponying up for an official black uniform at the merch table, which you’ll promptly change into in the Commodore commode. What you’ll walk away with: The certainty that you’ve just seen God.

VANCOUVER FOLK MUSIC ?FESTIVAL One of the city’s longest-running and most-loved festivals turns 30 this year. That means the folks who started out on the ground floor have long since retired to Salt Spring Island to make gourmet goat cheese. No worries, though, because a new crop of artists and fans has taken their place, with this year’s fest heavy on the Americana side of things, starting with Vancouver’s much-loved Be Good Tanyas, the ever-busy Steve Dawson, and fan favourite the Wailin’ Jennys. When and where: July 13 to 15 at Jericho Beach Park. Suggested retail price: Phone 604-602-9798 for info. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: A prime spot at the foot of the Main Stage. Fan profile: More than ever, in addition to the faithful, Railway Club regulars. Appropriate attire: Sunscreen. What you’ll walk away with: No matter how much sunscreen you’ve applied, a sunburn.

MISSION FOLK FESTIVAL The Vancouver Folk Music Festival usually gets all the headlines, but for 20 years Mission has been providing a solid reason for music lovers to pack up the car (or take transit!) and head to the city’s outskirts. Buffy Sainte-Marie is this year’s big-ticket draw, but a stellar supporting cast ranging from local stalwart Alpha Yaya Diallo to Montreal’s Annabelle Chvostek is more than enough reason to consider making the trek. When and where: July 27 to 29 at Fraser River Heritage Park. Suggested retail price: phone 1-866-494-3655 for info. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: A seven-zone BC Transit pass. Fan profile: Adventure seekers who really like to get away from it all. Appropriate attire: If you fancy yourself a bit of a wag, the ensemble that Robert De Niro wore in The Mission. What you’ll walk away with: A good argument that country folk do things every bit as well as their city-slicker cousins.

JOHN FOGERTY Sonic Youth’s Thurston Moore has gone on record as saying that Creedence Clearwater Revival runs thick in his blood. And CFMI would have nothing to offer but dead air if John Fogerty had become a ditch digger instead of one of the ’60s’ most enduring stars. Like Neil Young, Fogerty is one of those rare artists we can all respect. And even if you can’t name a single song off Centerfield, admit it, you get chills every time you hear the opening notes of “Bad Moon Rising”. When and where: August 2 at Deer Lake Park Suggested retail price: $55 plus service charges What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: A mint vinyl copy of Sonic Youth’s seminal Bad Moon Rising. Fan profile: Boomers and the balding Generation Xers who hate them. Appropriate attire: Flannel. What you’ll walk away with: A newfound appreciation for the Minutemen’s appreciation of John Fogerty.

HILARY DUFF Remember when teen-pop stars were squeaky clean? Well, probably not, but trust us on this one: you didn’t see Debbie Gibson flashing the red snapper every time a photographer got within focusing distance. And as unsightly as Tiffany’s hair was, she never shaved her head bald and attacked an SUV with an umbrella. All this is another way of saying that, while Hilary Duff may be the vanilla lover’s tween-pop star of choice, at least she sets something of an example for the children of today. And that’s more than you can say for old Fire Crotch. When and where: August 3 at the Pacific Coliseum. Suggested retail price: $65.50/49.50/37.50 plus service charges. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: Video footage of ol’ Fire Crotch and Baldheaded Britney dueting on Amy Winehouse’s “Rehab”. Fan profile: Female and hysterical. Appropriate attire: Braces and Olga Petite training bras. What you’ll walk away with: A new respect for pop stars who flash their cooters.

BURNABY ROOTS & BLUES ?FESTIVAL You know that scene in Ghost World where a horrified Steve Buscemi finds himself terrorized by the overamped and hilariously execrable white boys who call themselves Blues Hammer? Here’s betting that local boy Colin James didn’t get the joke when he was coming up in the late ’80s. What’s that got to do with the Burnaby Roots & Blues Festival? Well, nothing actually, other than the fact that the likes of Los Lonely Boys, Otis Clay, and James Cotton would probably be every bit as sickened by Blues Hammer as Steve Buscemi. When and where: August 12 at Deer Lake Park. Suggested retail price: $29.50 plus service charges. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: Kenny Wayne Shepherd’s head on a stick. Fan profile: White folks who secretly have never had anything close to the blues. Appropriate attire: A vintage Stevie Ray Vaughan and Double Trouble T-shirt. What you’ll walk away with: The blues, but only if the event’s security staff confiscates your ’70s-issue wineskin at the door.

UNDER THE VOLCANO Talk about a score—in what will have every Pitchfork addict soiling their Fruit of the Looms, the mighty Black Mountain headlines this year’s edition of Under the Volcano. Yes, the most progressive festival on the West Coast is not only back, but it has returned in style. In addition to the Spider-Man soundtrack antistars, the price of two imported six-packs also gets you street-level punk (the Rebel Spell), underground hip-hop (Kia Kadiri), head-flexing spoken word, and much, much more. When and where: August 12 at Cates Park. Suggested retail price: $20/10 plus service charges. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: Tickets to the revolution, which apparently won’t be televised. Fan profile: Commercial Drive politicos, Main Street hipsters, and forward-thinking parents. Appropriate attire: Anything emblazoned with the likeness of Che Guevara. What you’ll walk away with: The conviction that it’s possible to make a difference in the world—not to mention the high of seeing Black Mountain perform “Druganaut” in one of the Lower Mainland’s most perfect concert settings.

SUMMER BREAK 2007 Tha Dogg ­father in God’s green outdoors would be draw enough, but as an added bonus you get southern crunk king Lil Jon, white-trash champion Bubba Sparxxx, and the legendary X-Ecutioners. Even if the weather is shittier than Vancouver in June, this is one show where everyone in the house will be well-baked by noon. When and where: August 18 at Chilliwack’s Popkum Native Reserve. Suggested retail price: $70 to $100 plus service charges. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: A 24-karat pimp chalice. Fan profile: Boyz from the ’hood and the hip-hop honeys who love them. Appropriate attire: Faux-ghetto fabulous. What you’ll walk away with: The world’s worst fucking case of the munchies—start praying to God that the Popkum Native Reserve has a 7-Eleven.

TIESTO What in the hell? DJ Tií«sto is playing GM Place? At this rate, it’s only a matter of time before Canadian Tire is sold out of glow sticks. With this show already sitting at well over 5,000 tickets sold, watch for Felix da Housecat to return from exile in Ibiza to embark on his official comeback tour. When and where: August 25 at GM Place. Suggested retail price: $85/60 plus service charges. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: Free bottled water all night long. Fan profile: Rave revivalists and Volvo-driving soccer moms who’ll be borrowing their child’s pacifier for the night. Appropriate attire: Glitter dust and those moth-balled, oversize pants that make you wonder what the hell they were smoking back in ’98. What you’ll walk away with: An Ecstasy flashback you’ll never forget.

JUSTIN TIMBERLAKE Inexplicably, the former boy-bander who once had the worst hair in pop has become the hip-pop solo artist by whom all other are measured. And yes, that includes you, Joey Fatone. Admit it—no matter how much you hated N*Sync, no one did a better job last year of bringing sexy back. When and where: September 5 at GM Place Suggested retail price: $63 to $176 plus service charges What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: A vintage New Kids on the Block T-shirt. Fan profile: Everyone from 20-somethings who grew up with N*Sync to the most discerning of hip-hop heads. Appropriate attire: A crisp white fedora and starched wife-beater. What you’ll walk away with: Proof that Justin Timberlake has pulled off the greatest career reinvention since former ginch-model Marky Mark turned himself into Mark Wahlberg.

KEITH URBAN The definition of mission impossible is getting someone who isn’t addicted to JR Country to name a single Keith Urban song. And yet, somehow, when he isn’t contemplating covering Amy Winehouse’s “Rehab”, he sells out hockey rinks and—to further rub salt in an already festering wound—gets to bang Nicole Kidman. Somewhere Hank Williams is seriously thinking that it’s high time he came back from the grave. When and where: September 16 at GM Place. Suggested retail price: $81.50/67.50/51.50 plus service charges. What we’d be willing to trade tickets for: The chance to trade places with Keith Urban for just one night. Fan profile: Those still wondering where in the hell Garth Brooks went. Appropriate attire: Cowboy hats, but only if you couldn’t find Cloverdale with a glove box full of maps and a fully functioning Global Positioning System. What you’ll walk away with: The satisfaction of knowing that Hank Williams III is probably every bit as appalled by Keith Urban as you are.