You force the music section to double-date with Katie Holmes and Tom Cruise, and we reward you with a Payback Time T-shirt and two CDs off the Straight?'s Top 50. Here's this week's winning whine.

Dear Payback Time: After reading John Lucas's review of With Teeth, I am wondering what topics other than "my-life-is-shit angst" he would prefer Trent Reznor to address on the next Nine Inch Nails album. The cornerstone subjects of testosterone-metal songs have always been: 1) drugs, alcohol, and partying; 2) sex; 3) the shittiness of life. Given Reznor's "cleaner, drier, with-added-protein" post-rehab image, topic one isn't much of an option, and unless you're interested in hearing about the sexual escapades of a middle-aged recluse workaholic, topic two isn't that appealing. So what's left? Subtract Reznor's signature complaining, and what is NIN? The answer is a brilliant producer fronting a foursome of groomed-looking young men. Do we really want NIN to turn into a boy band? Or is Lucas actually implying that NIN should step out of its niche of "tiresome self-pity" and release a non-clichéd song dealing with a mature subject such as, for example, the Bush government ("The Hand That Feeds")?

Susan Cormier

John Lucas replies: Dearest Susan-Trent Reznor has apparently kicked the junk, gotten himself healthy, and rediscovered his love of making music. Why, then, is none of this reflected in his new songs? I'll tell you why: because angst sells, and because it's easy. It's sure a hell of a lot easier to write a bunch of dopey, mopey, I-hate-myself-and-I-want-to-die screeds than it is to craft a single song that expresses the sheer joy of living in the same world as kittens, puppies, bunnies, pygmy marmosets, and baby goats. And let's not forget about chocolate. Fully realizing that it's almost impossible to write a happy tune without making himself look cheesy, Reznor falls back on his well-worn template of adolescent-brand whining. Being cheesy isn't good for your image when you're the King of Pain. (Well, I guess Sting is actually the King of Pain, but he gave up on trying to be cool right around the time he discovered how to hold a chubby for eight hours at a stretch.) When Nine Inch Nails burst onto the scene back in the dark ages with Pretty Hate Machine, I was a dour teenager with an unspeakable haircut and a hate-on for the world. Already a fan of Ministry and Skinny Puppy, I found NIN's take on industrial rock a tad lightweight, but I could relate to the sentiments expressed. That guy who spray-bombed anarchy signs and SCHOOL SUCKS all over Frank Hurt Secondary circa 1990? Yeah, that was me. Come and get me, coppers! I dare you… Anyhow, I got over it, but I suppose the neo-Victorian despair of Nine Inch Nails will always resonate with someone. As for Reznor's attempt at topicality, here's a sample lyric: "Will you bite the hand that feeds you?" Which was the "non-clichéd" part? I must have missed it.

For taking the time to abuse us, Susan Cormier takes home a fabulous prize package that includes Moby's Hotel and Beck's Guero. You can voice your impotent rage by snail mail or by sending an e-mail to payback@straight.com.