You force the music section to send Hilary Swank a happy-anniversary card, and we reward you with a Payback Time T-shirt and two CDs off the Straight?'s Top 50. Here's this week's winning whinge.

Dear Payback Time: I still have a chip on my shoulder about your Best Of Concerts choices from a few issues back. I mean, Ashlee Simpson makes the list, but not a mention of Tom Waits? I was lucky to have been at the Orpheum for Mr. Waits's performance, and despite technical problems, was enthralled. I cringed with jealousy after reading Mike Usinger's review of the Commodore concert the following evening, making that show in particular an oversight in your "Best Of" list, to say the least.

> Bruce Mckiel

Mike Usinger replies: Dearest Bruce-Since I was responsible for naming Ashlee Simpson one of the best concerts of the year, I'll take the bullet for this one. Tom Waits was indeed every bit as entertaining as the Queen E. performance turned in by Saturday Night Live's reigning hoedown queen, but not nearly as revelatory. The reason? Unlike at old Anarchy Ashlee's gig, I didn't go to the Commodore expecting to see a concert that was going to blow like a Guilford crackwhore with a chipped tooth. It doesn't, however, surprise me that I forgot Waits's concert when we were compiling our Best of Concerts lists. You see, I could barely remember the night the next day. If I've got some words of advice for you, it's do not get primed for a show by pounding back four yellowbird cocktails on an empty stomach at home. If you should be so foolish, don't decide you're going to secure a prime spot on the Commodore dance floor by making sure you don't have to head to the bar mid-performance. There's probably a time and a place for three double bourbons on ice in a pint glass, but Tom Waits on an empty stomach after four yellowbirds isn't it. Normally I'm pretty good at holding my liquor, but on the night Waits played the show of a lifetime, I ended up with severe motor-skills problems. For further elaboration on this, get on Google and punch in Tom Waits + Payback + Shawn Conner + Mike Usinger. Sadly, what you'll read there really happened. When I woke up the next day, fully clothed on the bed with a half-eaten, congealed plate of prawns in yellow curry lying upside down on the pillow next to me, I seriously thanked God that I hadn't joined the Jimi Hendrix/John Bonham/Bon Scott club of asswipes who've choked to death on their own vomit while sleeping. And once I got over the skull-splitting hangover, I wiped it all out of my mind, until now. Thanks for reminding me what a great show I saw, even if I can't remember large chunks of it.

For taking the time to abuse us, Bruce Mckiel takes home a fabulous prize pack that includes Kate Bush's Aerial and System of a Down's Hypnotize. You can voice your impotent rage by snail mail or by sending an e-mail to payback@straight.com.