Starring Scott Mechlowicz, Jacob Pitts, and Michelle Trachtenberg. Rated 18A.

Oh, those crazy foreigners. Their strange antics alternately baffle and amuse us, even if we are, let's admit it, foreigners to someone ourselves.

Actually, that judgment doesn't quite apply to Ohio teens Scott Thomas (newcomer Scott Mechlowicz) and Cooper Harris (the James Spader--like Jacob Pitts), who at least view the world outside North America as a valuable reservoir of superior poontang. For cynical preppy Cooper, it's Europe that's the location of the kinky stuff he's been missing. For the more straight-ahead Scott, that's the place to forget he's just been dumped by his girlfriend (Vancouver's Kristen Kreuk), who turns out to be such a--well, it takes an anthem called "Scotty Doesn't Know", sung at the grad party by an unrecognizable Matt Damon as a heavily pierced rocker, to clue him in as to what she is.

And Europe is also the "country", as they put it, where Scott's German pen pal, Mieke, lives. Scott, you see, also didn't know, until insulting her, that Mieke is a chick's name. (And given the film's homosexual queasiness, how come he wasn't freaked out when she called him "the one" in an e-mail?)

But let's not engage our brains needlessly. It's the summer after high school as our heroes, along with twins Jenny (Michelle Trachtenberg) and nerdo supreme Jamie (the much older-looking Travis Wester), do their Road Trip thing from London to Berlin, with a suicidal side trip to outer Bratislava.

Along the way, Vinnie Jones has a change-of-pace role as a soccer hooligan, Lucy Lawless plays a Dutch dominatrix, and Saturday Night Live supporting player Fred Armisen is an Italian groper so apologetically determined that you can hardly hold it against him. (You definitely don't want to hold anything against him.)

Armisen's Creepy Italian Guy (that's his official credit) is just one of many equal-opportunity insults dreamed up by director Jeff Schaffer, who cowrote the haphazard script along with Alec Berg and David Mandel--the same team responsible for The Cat in the Hat, I'm afraid to say. (As a defence, they do have, between them, many years of writing Seinfeld.)

Eurotrip isn't about nothing, however. It's about grabbing anything for an easy laugh (maybe 50 percent of it clicks) and seeing some really nice non-American breasts. But beware: the price is also having to spend time with a few hundred naked and flabby Frenchmen. Hey, no one said jingoistic, homophobic fun came without a price tag.