Princess Cruises sails the retro-TV itinerary with a boatload of its biggest fans: gay travellers who know how to have fun.

Cue the orchestra. “Love, exciting and new.…The Love Boat promises something for everyone.” After 30 years, that everyone finally includes gays.

Amazingly, it took almost three decades for Princess Cruises—owner of the Love Boat featured in the original series, which ran from 1977 to 1986—to host an all-gay cruise, even though gay men were among The Love Boat’s most loyal viewers. Although no TV crew was present to film it, a Princess ship recently set a course for adventure with minds on gay romance as it sailed the classic Love Boat itinerary: Los Angeles, Puerto Vallarta, Mazatlán, and Cabo San Lucas. (Acapulco, part of the usual television-show route, was not included.)

My partner, Kevin, and I starred in our own real-life gay episode. Other characters included a single accountant from Vancouver; a Phoenix-based marketer and a travel agent from Seattle (both single), whose cabins flanked ours; and 2,500 gay extras—including at least 80 from Vancouver. The men came in every shape, size, colour, and age—most didn’t resemble the people in the promotional material—plus a few lesbians and a handful of straight friends tagging along.

We had barely hung our tuxedos in the closet before we were off to find our first cocktail. We placed our mai tai order at a poolside bar staffed by a modern-day Isaac and were immediately spotted by a handsome young couple from Calgary whom I’d met on a previous all-gay cruise.

“We’ve been on several gay cruises,” the couple explained, all grins. “We always have a great time.”

The ship’s horn blasted, and the gay Love Boat was officially out to sea, with a tiaras-and-sceptres bon voyage party. Kevin flitted around wearing pink fairy wings, grinning, and granting people wishes with a feather-tipped sceptre while I mingled with hundreds of men in tiaras, dancing like a diva and waving gaily at the straight people on a nearby Celebrity ship. This was not Captain Stubing’s Love Boat.

All-gay cruises have been around for about 20 years, pioneered by RSVP Vacations, which invited me along for this historic cruise on the massive Diamond Princess. I’ve sailed on four other cruises—two gay, two general—and find cruising to be the perfect vacation: unpack once on a floating luxury resort and let fresh scenery come to you.

Our trip on the Diamond Princess was Kevin’s first all-gay cruise. But when we sailed the Panama Canal with Royal Caribbean in 2004, we discovered that plenty of gay men now travel “out” on mainstream cruises—we met about 40 others on that trip. Even then, Kevin and I were the only openly gay couple to participate in one of Royal Caribbean’s main-stage game shows, its version of The Newlywed Game. Eight hundred audience members—and, we later found out, the entire ship via closed-circuit TV—watched as the gay guys kissed on-stage, and giggled as we tried to guess each other’s answers to a series of semi-tabloid questions, such as “What’s the craziest place the two of you have ever made whoopee?” The audience was probably disappointed to learn how normal we are. Our competition included a straight couple who’d been married 52 years and another who’d been married two weeks. Both seemed more interesting than the homos from Canada.

The Newlywed Game aboard the gay Love Boat was a whole different show. Kevin and I remained in the audience and gasped as the coy little game we’d played with hundreds of straight folks turned into a true tell-all. Host Danny Williams, a comedian and gay-cruise legend, coaxed honest, hilarious, and shockingly detailed answers out of three gay couples. It was decidedly not a show for the general public.

That’s the big difference between all-gay and general cruising: gay cruises are designed for a specific audience. Despite the gay community’s clamouring for acceptance in mainstream society, we have many distinct attributes, and they really come out when we’re separated from the mainstream, especially by miles of open ocean. We play harder at our pool games. (Gee, where did your swimsuit go?) We dance more to our DJs. We belt out beloved show tunes in the piano lounge that straight men wouldn’t. We’re not afraid to talk about sex, on-stage and off-. We spend a bit more at the bar. We dress down for a pool party, then dress up for a formal dinner, only to take it all off three hours later for an underwear dance.

The other big difference: on gay cruises, same-sex couples can hold hands, smooch, and rub suntan oil all over each other in public in total comfort.

These cruises tend to cost more than regular ones, but when you consider the number of gay-focused entertainers they bring onboard, the dollars actually make sense. On a straight cruise, you won’t be dancing with Canadian R&B diva Deborah Cox or howling with glee as cabaret legend Amy Armstrong sings her signature tune about her “pussy—just a friendly little cat”.

Gopher, the Love Boat purser, would have been shocked, but the staff of the Diamond Princess got right into the swing of things. The bar waiters laughed at every joke and boogied on the dance floor (although they were usually terribly overdressed), and the captain happily welcomed everyone at his champagne reception. After all, the reputation of 20 years of gay travellers preceded us: we’re wildly fun, polite, and we tip really well. Who cares if we show up at the buffet in a leather harness and assless chaps?

Meanwhile, what became of my personal cast of characters? Two days into the cruise, Kevin and I introduced our accountant friend to our Phoenix neighbour. We were delighted to see them frolicking together in the waves at Puerto Vallarta’s gay beach. Did they spend the rest of the trip together? Well, Julie McCoy wouldn’t tell, and neither will I. Let’s just say, like a Love Boat episode, the story ended when the ship docked in L.A.

But our other neighbour, the Seattle travel agent, has broken Love Boat protocol; he’s already e-mailed to tell me he’s seeing a fellow Seattleite he met onboard. “Perhaps the Diamond Princess was the Love Boat after all,” he wrote.

Whether on Princess or one of the other companies offering all-gay cruises, the Love Boat will soon be making another run—a run so fun it could only be gay. -

ACCESS: There are four main gay charter companies. All welcome straight, gay-friendly friends and family, and offer varied itineraries. RSVP Vacations ( www.rsvpvacations.com/ ) caters primarily to men. Prices for the seven-night cruise described above, which starts and ends in Los Angeles, begin at US$795. Upcoming highlights include summer on European riverboats, a trans-Atlantic trip on the Queen Mary 2, and Caribbean tall ships. Atlantis Events ( www.atlantisevents.com/ ) caters mainly to men. Itineraries include the Mediterranean, South America, and Hawaii. Olivia Cruises ( www.olivia.com/ ) focuses on women. Highlights include Mediterranean tall ships, Alaska, the Netherlands, and Antarctica. R Family ( www.rfamilyvacations.com/ ) runs gay family­–themed cruises (for kids, grandparents, et cetera) touring Bermuda and the Caribbean.