Starring Queen Latifah and Jimmy Fallon. Rated PG.

Luc Besson, the former wunderkind director turned writer/producer/movie mogul, was the brains behind all three Taxi movies, one of the most lucrative franchises in French film history. Taxi 2, perhaps the best no-brainer ever made, perfectly illustrates Besson's theory that movies are either chouette ("sweet") or de la merde ("shitty"), the difference being determined by the only audience that matters anymore: the kids who hang out at McDonald's.

Although he takes a producer's credit on the American remake, it's hard to think that even not-so-lucky Luc would consider Taxi particularly chouette. Although the plot premise is pretty much the same, the switch to Yankee face is no more successful than was the economically disastrous transformation of Les Visiteurs into the dire Just Visiting.

In place of a male Arab hero--think how empowering that would be in today's motion-picture climate--the central figure is now a black female bicycle courier turned super-fast cab driver. Belle (Queen Latifah) has the misfortune to cross paths with Det. Washburn (Jimmy Fallon), the worst driver in the history of New York's finest. Between them, they must try to take down a band of Brazilian supermodels who are in the process of robbing one Manhattan bank after another. As for rubber-burning Belle, she must both protect her almost supersonic vehicle from traffic-code violations and convince her hunky, sensitive boyfriend (NYPD Blue's Henry Simmons) that she's not cheating on him with the squeaky-voiced white boy she always has in tow.

Not being "broken" in the first place, Taxi didn't need to be "fixed". This joyless exercise reminds us yet again of how desperately Americans need to learn to appreciate stories about people other than themselves.