R&B singer Akon broke records recently when his hot and heavy single “Smack That” jumped from No. 95 to No. 7 on the Billboard Hot 100, achieving the biggest climb in the history of the chart. The track, which features Eminem, is an infectious bump-and-grind banger that pays homage to big-bootied bar stars. It’s also the latest incarnation of a trend that’s sweeping urban music: the girl record that isn’t.
These days every hard-ass rapper and bad-boy crooner seems to feel the need to drop a for-the-ladies anthem. Funny thing is, these songs usually aren’t designed for women at all. So-called girl records often end up being about as romantic as a candlelight dinner for two at McDonald’s or a quickie trip to the Motel 6.
The thug pillow-talk trend has a long history in urban music, with tracks like Notorious B.I.G.’s “Fuck You Tonight” setting the bar for rappers’ graphic sexcapades on wax. The subgenre is epitomized by G-Unit’s “Wanna Get to Know You”, which updates Marvin Gaye’s smooth, sexy hook “I want to be your lover” to the crass “I really want to fuck you”.
Crack rapper Rick Ross’s recent, cringe-worthy cut “Hit U From the Back” lives in this zone too. One would be hard-pressed to find a cornier attempt to cultivate a female fan base. Unlike 50 or Akon—who somehow pull it off—a sweaty, fat gangsta rapper with the personality of a wet dishrag like Ross can hardly be considered heartthrob material. Plus, his “flip you like you’re crack” foreplay leaves something to be desired.
Young Jeezy’s “Tear It Up” isn’t much better, with the dude getting all pissy with some chick who’s literally begging him to break her off. Newsflash: sounding like you barely tolerate the woman you’re sexing is not exactly a turn-on. Vulgar hit-and-run groupie anthems, while they might make rappers look like certified playboys to their male fans, can’t be that appealing to females.
Except that, for some reason, they are. Throw a freaky girl record on the ones and twos at a club and watch the floor flood with gyrating bodies. These women might be shaking their asses against their better judgment—as hip-hop blogger Joey from Straight Bangin’ (straight
bangin.blogspot.com/?) has dubbed it, “feigning outrage but still losing their shit on the dance floor”—or they might be less, um, feminist. Some women are perfectly happy to do a striptease to lyrics like “Ho, you’ll never be my only one, trick ass bitch!” from Snoop’s “Ain’t No Fun (If the Homies Can’t Have None)”.
Lest the antirap crusade get all up in arms here, it must be noted that this is bigger than hip-hop. Mainstream culture is awash with women busy objectifying themselves under the pretence of sexual liberation. (Fight for your right to get your ass slapped and whatnot.) You can see signs of it everywhere: Fergie singing the praises of her lovely lady lumps; barely legal girls performing the requisite pseudo-lesbian/pole-dance titillation routine in the clubs or else mobbing the cameramen for Girls Gone Wild, snatching at their chance to flash America. It’s constant, nonstop, around-the-clock hypersexualization.
Which brings us back to Akon’s smash hit “Smack That”. I interviewed the charismatic singer for a hip-hop magazine a few weeks back and raised the topic of girl records. Did he consider the single a for-the-ladies effort? Akon replied that it was actually made for the guys. “It’s crazy because those records always intrigue women,” he explained with a laugh. “Them freaky records always attract women. I’m like, ‘Wow, as long as I keep making records that cater to guys, the girls are always going to follow.’”