Two blonde "Gun Girls" write a creepy love letter to AR-15 assault rifles

If you're anything like me, you've probably reached the point where you're constantly confusing "real" "news" with articles from the Onion.

In that spirit, let me present today's "too unbelievable to be true but it fucking is" finding: an op-ed from two very blonde, very white women telling U.S. president Barack Obama about their fetish for assault rifles.

On January 23, Audrey Blankenship and Celia Bigelow's creepy love letter to the AR-15 assault rifle was published by the National Review Online.

In it, they claim that, as delicate little helpless pearl-clutching girls, they need as much fucking ammo as they can get to deter all those mythical criminals who are continually breaking into their houses.

A sample:

"Sorry, President Obama. As young women, we prefer an AR-15 “assault” rifle with a 30-round magazine for self-defense.

In fact, we wouldn’t want to be stuck at home without one. In the wake of mass murders like Sandy Hook and the horrific rapes and murders of thousands of women each year, pepper spray, mace, or five-round handheld pistols aren’t going to cut it.

So what’s a girl to do? When choosing our tool for home defense, we want the best — in accuracy, handling, and aesthetics. The best choice by all three criteria is — hands down — the AR-15."

According to these two women, "An AR-15 might be a woman’s best friend."

(I don't know about other ladies, but depending on the day, my best friend is either a cup of coffee or an afternoon nap taken in a puddle of sunshine. Of course, both of these will get me killed if someone breaks into my house, so I suppose I should really look into gun ownership.)

The next day, the "Gun Girls" reinforced their victimhood and need for a big, bad, strong man gun by tittering their way through an interview with Piers Morgan, who pretty much destroyed the pair—and all without firing a single magazine round.

Watch the heart-warming interview below.

Comments (7) Add New Comment
W
While I appreciate the disturbing insight into the mental affliction known as American gun culture. We have to start looking within and finding, exposing and ultimately dealing with the same people here in Canada.
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Wayne
Morgan is an idiot!
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Wayne
"who pretty much destroyed the pair"

On the other hand Jesse Ventura and Ted Nugent both put Morgan in his place!
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Rich
I completely disagree with her on being OK with banning automatic weapons...anyhow, they should have known he was setting them up.
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B
This might be the dumbest thing I've read...today. Do some research about guns and learn to write.
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Martin Dunphy
Wayne:

Ted Nugent couldn't put a grilled-cheese sandwich in its place if it came with a frying pan.

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bobtailbassant
I cannot believe this girl is trying to make a point that clearly promotes vigilant justice! She is saying that a robber got shot 6 times by the house owner but did not die!!! WTF!!!!! He got shot 6 times!!!! So he should be dead!!! The house owner has no problem being a murderer? Wanting to kill this idiot for breaking and entering is ok in US culture, so why have courts!? Why bother with police and the system? Just give everybody a gun with 100 rounds in it and call it a day!! Absolute ra$$-ness!!
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