Randy Jackson leaves American Idol to spend more time with Tito and Bubbles

In breaking news that no one with the possible exception of bored Midwest housewives who eat Häagen-Dazs straight from the tub cares about, Randy Jackson has announced that he's leaving American Idol.

In a statement, he said “Yo! Yo! Yo! To put all of the speculation to the rest, after 12 years of judging on American Idol I have decided it is time to leave after this season. I am very proud of how we forever changed television and the music industry. It’s been a life changing opportunity but I am looking forward to focusing on my company Dream Merchant 21 and other business ventures.”

Presumably, with the rest of the Jackson clan not getting any younger, he has also decided to spend more family time with Janet, Jermaine, Tito, Jackie, La Toya, and Mr. Bubbles the orphaned chimp.

Jackson's decision comes amid rumours that producers of the show are considering firing all of American Idol's hosts, who also include Keith Urban, Nicki Minaj, and Mariah Carey. American Idol has seen its ratings slide drastically—including a 25 percent slip from last year—since the departure of famously loudmouthed host Simon Cowell in 2010.

In related news, recent surveys show that no one can actually name an American Idol contestant from the past 10 years not named Carrie Underwood.