Major American news outlet breaks news that Canucks players Ryan Kesler, Alex Burrows, and Daniel Sedin are all gay

One of the things that we can be proudest about on the West Coast is our open-mindedness. Quite famously, Vancouver is known as a city that doesn’t give a shit who is sleeping with who. So Rolling Stone, Modern Parent, and the Wall Street Journal can storm the barricades all they want to protest Chad Kroeger crossing clearly defined musical boundaries to shag the living shit out of his fiancé Avril Lavigne; here in Lotusland we’re busy preparing for the greatest wedding since Prince William and Kate Middleton.

Given our whatever-floats-your-boat approach to life, who among us isn’t happy that Vancouver Canucks forwards Daniel Sedin, Alex Burrows, and Ryan Kesler have all come out as gay? Well done fellows—Jason Collins of the NBA isn’t the only one that is proud of you.

Earlier this week, a high-profile American Web paper known as The Onion revealed that all three long-time Canucks have acknowledged that they are openly gay. The news was broke in a special investigative story titled "Report: NHL Actually Has Had Hundreds Of Openly Gay Players For Years."

Highlights of the story (which can be found here) include a revealing segment on former National Hockey League enforcer Bob Probert. Not only was Probert of the most feared fighters in the NHL during the ’90s and 2000s, he was also living what folks in the American Midwest used to refer to as an “alternate lifestyle”.

The Onion article states that Probert had “a huge impact on the league as hockey’s ‘Homo Enforcer’, intimidating the competition and pummeling opponents with vicious punches.” Probert was also described as the “most feared queer” in the NHL who challenged notions that a homosexual hockey player couldn’t be a “gay goon”.

Noting that hockey has provided a safe and respectful environment for gay athletes since the Original Six years, The Onion cites former greats Gordie Howe, Wayne Gretzky, and Steve Shutt as those who weren’t afraid to come out early to their teammates. Shockingly, apparently Mark Messier is also gay.

Burrows and Kesler aren’t the only two modern-day players who are proudly homosexual.

The Onion notes that the list of NHLers who are currently busy blocking off their calendars for this summer’s gay pride parades include, in no particular order: Sidney Crosby, Alex Ovechkin, Patrick Kane, Henrik Zetterberg, Evgeni Malkin, Jonathan Quick, Pavel Datsyuk, Ryan Suter, Paul Stastny, and Martin St. Louis, Rick Nash, Ryan Miller, Patrik Elias, Stephen Gionta, Clarke MacArthur, and Patrick Dwyer.

And Mike Rupp, Carey Price, Dustin Brown, Zbynek Michalek, Brad Richards, Derek Dorsett, Brian Boyle, David Krejci, Shea Weber, Derick Brassard, Sergei Gonchar, Braden Holtby, Brandon Dubinsky, Stephane Robidas, Colin Greening, James Reimer, Kevin Poulin, Brandon Prust, Travis Hamonic, Martin Brodeur, and Joakim Andersson.

And Vincent Lecavalier, Josh Green, Daniel Alfredsson, Joe Thornton, Arron Asham, Alexander Steen, Michael Del Zotto, Patrice Bergeron, Matt Duchene, Teddy Purcell, Michael Ryder, Tomas Fleischmann, Lars Eller, Daniel Winnik, Jyri Niemi, Mikhail Grigorenko, Evander Kane, David Backes, Jiri Tlusty, Sam Gagner, David Desharnais, Cody Franson, Steve Ott, Dustin Byfuglien, Casey Cizikas, Daniel Sedin, Brian Campbell, Ilya Kovalchuk, Chris Neil, Patrick Sharp, Jaromir Jagr, Hal Gill, Mark Giordano, and Marc-Andre Fleury.

And Ray Whitney, Mike Cammalleri, Lee Stempniak, James van Riemsdyk, Martin Hanzal, David Clarkson, Vinny Prospal, Taylor Hall, Ryan Getzlaf, Andrew Ladd, Alexander Semin, Max Pacioretty, Brenden Dillon, Jonathan Toews, Jordan Eberle, Marian Hossa, Frans Nielsen, Alex Galchenyuk, Bobby Ryan, Manny Malhotra, Mike Fisher, Bryan Little, Nail Yakupov, Patrick Marleau, Jonathan Huberdeau, Tyler Ennis, Craig Anderson, Saku Koivu, Shane Doan, Ryan White, Blake Wheeler, Evgeni Nabokov, Mark Fraser, Jeff Carter, Nicklas Backstrom, Michael Grabner, and Brendan Gallagher.

And Tomas Plekanec, John Tavares, Taylor Pyatt, Alex Burrows, Rene Bourque, Jason Chimera, Joffrey Lupul, Corey Perry, Brad Stuart, Justin Williams, Matt Cullen, Marian Gaborik, Patrik Berglund, Brian Elliott, Josh Harding, Daniel Cleary, Roberto Luongo, Nazem Kadri, Zach Parise, Eric Staal, Jordan Staal, Marc Staal, Jared Staal, and Steven Stamkos.

Congrats all for having the courage to be who you are. And also to The Onion for making the world seem a little more tolerant this week by having the balls to print this important story.