Lou Reed masturbates every day and can’t believe all this NSA stuff

In his review of Lulu, the Lou Reed-Metallica collaboration that you still can’t believe really happened, Julian Marszalek of The Quietus informed readers that their time would be better spent “wanking into a sock” than listening to the heady combination of Reed’s singing voice and Lars Ulrich’s “drumming.”

Which is good advice for everyone except Lou Reed, ironically, since the 71-year-old rock ‘n’ roll animal has revealed that wanking into a sock is what probably got us into this Lulu mess in the first place. 

“I masturbate every day,” Reed replies when asked how he stays “creative” during the media conference posted below.

Every day? Really? Even the day two months ago when he had his liver transplant?  

These intriguing questions aside, everybody’s favourite cranky former VU member also uses this rare moment of Lou Reed-media détente to express shock over whistleblower Edward Snowdon’s defection from SMERSH, I mean the NSA.

“Speechless,” he says of America’s latest and greatest intelligence leak. “It’s so shocking. That on top of the whole thing with Obama of all people, having that thing going on with Verizon,” he says.

Rather adorably going on to describe the O-Man as “our guy,” Reed’s disenchantment with his president reveals that he still has some grasp on reality. Not like his old drummer.