Black Keys singer loses custody of Bob Dylan's hair
TMZ is reporting today that Dan Auberach's divorce has been settled, with ex-wife Stephanie Gonis winning custody of Bob Dylan's hair.
The celebrity gossip website discovered a reference to the "asset" in court documents, but states that it's "unclear" how or when (or why—but my guess is voodoo) the hair was obtained.
Neither is it clear if this is sexy Don't Look Back-era Bob Dylan hair, born again Slow Train Coming-era Bob Dylan hair, or that unhealthy, wiry substance that the legendary performer generally keeps hidden these days beneath a Bolero hat.
Gonis can drive the precious human organic material to her new house in a Toyota Highlander that she also received in the settlement. Once there, she can build an underground vault and elaborate alarm system to protect Bob Dylan's hair using some of the $5 million that Gonis was further granted earlier this week by authorities in Tennessee.