If you like the Straight's music section cutlines, you will love these
If we’ve learned anything here at the world headquarters of the Straight music section, it’s that some people—sensitive used book salesmen, tortured beardos who “write” for well-meaning neighbourhood-news web publications, and David H.—don’t necessariy share our sense of humour. And that’s perfectely fine. Some folks find Andrew Dice Clay and Carrot Top uproariously funny, and the rest of you probably don’t.
What people really tend to get their panties in a bunch over is the cutlines that we run in the Straight music section. Screw giving you interesting information you could get from reading the article if you weren’t so goddamn lazy, Mike Usinger and John Lucas are more interested in making you giggle like a seven-year-old schoolboy after a couple of whippets.
Their efforts aren’t always appreciated. At the risk of losing you before the jump, for every person who finds a work of art like the following clever.....
....there’s another one who will bitterly complain that we should have written: “Queens of the Stone Age play the Squamish Festival on August. 8.”
If you are one of those latter people, you’ll want to avoid these examples of gold-star cutlining writing here (an example of which can be found above). Try not to snicker as usedwigs.com takes the living piss out of everyone from Crystal Castles to the White Stripes to William “Beardo” Fitzsimmons.
As for those who hate our cutlines, don’t worry: we don’t find you even remotely funny either.