Uwe Boll's crowdfunding rampage is his best work yet

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      Joining the company of such trenchant cultural critics as the Straight's Michael Mann, filmmaker Uwe Boll has posted a glorious rant about crowdfunding.

      "Basically my message is fuck yourself," says Boll, having seen his Kickstarter campaign for Rampage 3 go down the tubes.

      Entitled "fuck you all", Boll's video, uploaded to YouTube on Sunday (June 7), is admirably clear in its message.

      "What retarded amateur idiots, collecting money on that absurd website," he says. "It's all fucking bullshit and I'll never do it in my life again... Goodbye."

      But wait! Things really get going in the writer-director's second video, which was posted immediately afterward.

      "They're laughing about you," he fumes, waving a copy of Hollywood Reporter at the camera while levelling a number of satifyingly low blows at the likes of Matt Damon, Brad Pitt, and Jennifer Lopez ("Fucking demanding Mexican bitch...!")

      "The most bullshit business with bullshit idiots, one after the other, all fucking each other in the asses," Boll continues, quite reasonably.

      Basically, Boll's rude analysis of Hollywood, the star system, and some of its more conspicuous "humanitarians" is righteous-as-fuck, even if his language isn't.

      Anyway, look below to find out why George Clooney hates you, why Ben Kingsley is a "pussy", why the Marvel Universe is full of "retarded idiots", and why we need to "kill the rich".

      Boll was trying to raise funds for the third film in his Rampage series. According to the Straight's resident Boll-head, Al MacInnis, "There are other decent recent Bolls, but Rampage 1 and 2 are the essential ones."

      This comes at a notably positive time for the locally based auteur. Boll's film career stands as a two-decade affront to good taste, but his newly opened Gastown restaurant, Bauhaus, is widely acknowledged as being impressively short on turkey

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      5 Comments

      Doug S.

      Jun 8, 2015 at 12:12pm

      I've lost four hours of my life watching Boll movies - four hours I'll never get back. I need restitution!

      INVOICE

      To: Dr. Uwe Boll
      ____________________________________
      2 Hours - House of the Dead $110.00
      2 Hours - Alone in the Dark $110.00
      Compensatory damages $2700.00
      ____________________________________
      Subtotal $2920.00
      HST $350.40
      ____________________________________
      Amount payable $3270.40

      Please pay within 30 days. Overdue accounts
      accrue interest at 2%/month (24%/annum)

      The Market Has Spoken

      Jun 8, 2015 at 1:19pm

      Germany changed their tax laws and this producer's investors disappeared. Now, he has appealed to the market. The market has replied. So let's hear no more from him.

      A. MacInnis

      Jun 8, 2015 at 1:51pm

      No, no, really, you guys NEED TO UPDATE your image of Uwe Boll. Seriously. I'm not here to defend Alone in the Dark or In the Name of the King or whatever - total crap, I don't disagree - but almost all of Uwe's small-scale mass murder movies are mini-masterpieces of perfectly competent cinema, which at their best merge violent exploitation with impassioned political rants that are REALLY entertaining (as are his Youtube clips). Before repeating the same cliches about "old Boll", AT LEAST WATCH RAMPAGE, and Rampage II, both of which star great local actor Brendan Fletcher (who you'll remember from Tideland and maybe a local production of Equus). Then in order of interest, check out Assault on Wall Street, or Assault on Darfur, or Postal, or maybe Stoic, or, I mean, even Tunnel Rats is pretty good (if not great) as a Vietnam war film... Granted, Blubberella probably isn't a masterpiece, but there's lots to love in Boll's output lately, especially Rampage and Rampage II. Trust me!

      A. MacInnis

      Jun 8, 2015 at 10:41pm

      And now that I'm not at work, I can listen to Boll's second "rampage" here... It's a thing of beauty, isn't it? Boll should do this onstage so people can cheer him on.