Grammy winners already announced even though the show's still on TV

Has the power been cut off because you haven’t paid the electricity bill since the summer, and the iPhone is about to run out of juice? Or perhaps you’re watching the Canucks-Coyotes on PVR, not wanting to miss a single second because you know that tonight is the night that hatchet man Martin Hanzel is going to get the payback he so richly deserves.

Or maybe you're just a Coles Notes kind of person, who’d rather have Moby Dick summed up for you in 13 pages because that means not having to slog through the whole long-winded thing.

If the answer to any of the above is ‘yes’, you’ll be happy to know that the Grammy Awards were already been handed out a couple of hours ago, even though they’ve just gotten underway on local TV. And, thanks to that DeLorean from Back to the Future, we have all the winners.

Before you go any further, this is your official spoiler alert.

That business out of the way, this was the year for French electronica group Daft Punk. The insanely excellent, enigmatic duo scooped up four Grammys, including record of the year for the ’70s funk-influenced “Get Lucky”. This of course created a bit of a problem when it was time for the acceptance speeches, as neither Thomas Bangalter and Guy-Manuel De Homem-Christo leave home without donning one of their many patented space helmets.

They also don’t speak when there is a microphone or camera around, which meant it was up to collaborator Pharrell Williams to accept their Random Access Memories awards for best group performance, best electronica/dance record, and best engineered release.

New Zealand chanteuse Lorde beat out Justin Timberlake, Bruno Mars, and some woman named Katy Perry in winning both solo pop performance and song of the year for “Royals”.

Also scoring big were Macklemore and Ryan Lewis, whose DIY effort The Heist won best rap album. The duo also won best rap song for the stupidly catchy “Thrift Shop” as well as best new artist that people in Middle America have finally heard of despite the artist in question having been at it for years and years.

Other winners included our hometown hero Michael Buble (best traditional pop vocal for To Be Loved) and Paul McCartney, Dave Grohl, Pat Smear, and Krist Novoselic for the ex-Beatles/Nirvana noise-jam collaboration “Cut Me Some Slack”.

Justin Timberlake won two awards (best R&B song for “Pusher Love Girl” and best video for the David Fincher-directed “Suit and Tie”).

 

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Abe Stinkin
The best thing I read about The Grammys is that it only had 28 million viewers. This is supposedly a big deal, but it means in U.S. alone, 300 million didn’t watch it. If you weed out the number who had to watch for work (media workers) and wannabes (hoping to be media workers), the number would probably be 10 million (real) viewers.

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