Excellence in Advertising: Super Slider Sno-skates

Before God invented Netflix and PVRs, you had to sit through a battery of commercials every time you turned on the idiot box. Most of them made you wonder why the hell Philo Taylor Farnsworth didn’t also invent something to block out commercials. Like Netflix or PVRs.

But occasionally, a television ad struck gold to where you’d sit through a seven-hour Cannon marathon to see it again. And now, thanks to the magic of YouTube (which we can thank God for inventing) you can relive the magic at the touch of a mouse. Here’s today’s nomination for Excellence in Advertising.

Someone at K-tel had the right idea about child-rearing. Raising kids right isn't about coddling them or trying to protect them from all the harshness that life is just waiting to dump on them. Taking a cue from Friedrich Nietzsche (or Homer Simpson, or whoever said it), the inventors of Super Slider Sno-skates saw that whatever doesn't kill kids only makes them stronger and decided to put that principle into action.

Now, you could argue that this product was created to fill a void that didn't exist. After all, all manner of foot-powered winter transport was readily available in the '70s, from alpine and cross-country skis to snowshoes. Not every family could afford such luxuries, though. On the other hand, who couldn't afford to shell out $2.99 for a pair of slippery red pieces of plastic that you could strap to your offspring's feet before shoving them down a powdery slope?

As the Straight's own Brian Lynch observed, these things look like lots of ankle-snapping fun. Just look at that kid's feet whipping around at every conceivable angle as he slides down the hill. He looks as if he's about to learn a very valuable life lesson. Several lessons, actually: the human body can withstand a lot of pain and still continue to function, broken bones will eventually heal, and parents are never, ever to be trusted. And all for only $2.99!