Follies of a Fuckwit #221: Bieber blazes on chartered plane

Sometime last November, the Georgia Straight’s team of music writers came up with a great idea while standing around the water cooler. It went something like this: rather than continue to dignify Justin Bieber’s stupid-ass and ignorant antics with clever headlines, we decided to change all Biebs-related headlines moving forward to “Follies of a Fuckwit”.

Somewhere along the line, we forgot to do that, understandably, considering the Fuckwit in question tends to do something new and idiotic every time the sun rises. Take for example, last week, when the future Vanilla Ice of his generation boarded a plane and then proceeded to turn it into something out of a Cheech & Chong movie.

The singer charted a jet to fly his entourage to New Jersey from Canada for last weekend’s Super Bowl. Among the passengers was his 38-year-old father, Jeremy Bieber.

Sources have reported that the pilots asked the singer and his assorted leeches to stop smoking marijuana, and to stop being abusive to the flight attendants. The pilots eventually strapped on oxygen masks after worrying that they would inhale second-hand smoke that would show up in drug-testing. The flight crew was instructed to stay close to the cabin to avoid contact with Bieber and his people.

The plane was searched upon arrival in New Jersey, and, while the odour of marijuana hung in the air, no actual drugs were found on board. After being detained, Bieber was released into the U.S., where he partied all weekend.

Past weeks have had Bieber arrested for drunk driving, for egging a neighbour’s house in Los Angeles, and for assaulting a limousine driver in Toronto. He also chewed on the nipples of a silicone-enhanced stripper.