Homeless in Vancouver: No healthcare coverage for piñatas

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How much wood could a woodchuck chuck if woodchuck was chucked into a container recycling blue bin?

The answer is none, but then that’s exactly why this “woodchuck”—more commonly called a beaver—was chucked: it just can’t cut it anymore.

Some unknown party has certainly done a job on it. Not only has it lost most of the toes on its right foot, but it appears to have been seriously piped in the back of the head.

The price paid by professional party animals

The life of a piñata tends to be short, nasty, and brutish. If it’s doing its job properly, the piñata is guaranteed to suffer serious, work-related injury and there’s no workers’ compensation for papier-mâché.

You get hurt on the job—like this Mexican-Canadian beaver—and you can look forward to being unceremoniously “retired”.

Given that piñatas are always found beaten to a (wood) pulp, it’s a wonder there are still any takers for the job. But every piñata I’ve encountered has been quite empty-headed.

With respect to its final resting place, I will say that being made of virtually 100 percent paper, it should have been put in the paper recycling blue bin.

I’m only referring to its earthly remains. I can’t say whether a piñata goes on to an afterlife or not. I guess it might depend on what kind of parties they have in Heaven.

Stanley Q. Woodvine is a homeless resident of Vancouver who has worked in the past as an illustrator, graphic designer, and writer. 

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foxxe

May 1, 2014 at 3:16pm

Okay here is another brainless city person, akin to those foolish types that think male cattle have udders and can be milked.

A WOODCHUCK is NOT a BEAVER. It is in fact a GROUNDHOG. (Did you actually PASS your grades in school?)

Stanley Q Woodvine

May 1, 2014 at 7:47pm

Apparently not. Perhaps woodchucks and/or beavers was a university level course.

Martin Dunphy

May 2, 2014 at 1:13am

What does the foxxe say?

Not much, apparently.

judge

May 2, 2014 at 8:16am

geez, foxxe, no need to get bitchy about it

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