Vancouver marijuana shops should listen to Bill Maher and play by the rules
The Vancouver Police Department has busted a second marijuana dispensary for not playing by the rules.
Meanwhile, more than 40 similar storefronts selling marijuana continue to operate in Vancouver.
So why were Jim’s Weed Lounge and, before it, Weeds Glass and Gifts targeted by police? Because they broke the VPD’s unwritten guidelines for dealing weed, (I mean, distributing medicinal marijuana).
Weeds Glass and Gifts was busted for selling clones. And a warrant was exercised against Jim’s Weed Lounge because of accusations that customers were reselling to kids.
Even some advocates for marijuana legalization I spoke with today aren’t upset with the VPD for taking action against those shops. A lot of dispensaries are trying to run businesses as clean as they can—while still breaking federal law, that is—and stores' customers reselling to minors can give everyone a bad name.
This all reminded me of a recent episode of HBO’s Real Time with Bill Maher that aired last month.
Maher, deeming himself more than qualified to speak on the topic, offered some advice to Colorado, which recently legalized the sale of recreational marijuana.
Here’s what he had to say.
Now that the people of Colorado have legalized pot for everybody—and not just for long-time sufferers of, um, whatever it is I have—they must realize, they are the Jackie Robinson of marijuana legislation. Which is why they can't go all Cheech and Chong on us. You guys have to get this right, or it's going to ruin it for everybody. So embrace it. Be the Jackie Robinson of pot.
I have spilled more pot than most of you have smoked! So I believe I have the gravitas to offer some advice to Colorado, and everyone on saving this experiment in personal freedom.
And the first rule is, don't mix pot with alcohol. It doesn't make it better cause it's two good things. It's like funny porn, it actually—It actually makes both awful. Even more important, if you've never had pot, don't eat it the first time. Oh God, it's so much more intense when you eat it. It would be like losing your virginity to Ron Jeremy.
And it's dangerous, since edibles look just like regular food. So a newbie sees a pot brownie, and thinks, ‘one brownie, one serving’. Or, being an American, ‘six brownies, one serving’. Now, if you do eat it, remember: it takes time. So stop watching the clock. Just relax. And trust me, in a couple hours, you'll be saying, "You're doing a heckuva job, brownie!"
Now I personally don't eat it because it makes me paranoid. And nothing ruins a party like people who are paranoid and delusional—just ask the Republicans.
But if you do eat it and get paranoid, this is important: stay out of the bathroom! I don't know why, but paranoid people want to be in the bathroom. I guess they think they'll be closer to emergency facilities like a sink. But they wind up cowering like Oscar Pistorius is on the other side of the door.
Oh, and if you are in the bathroom, don't look in the mirror! Just don't. You see, one reason why pot is productive for creative people is, it allows you to see things you've long grown accustomed to, as if for the first time. But don't try it with your face!
Finally, stay away from stuff that's only for veteran smokers.
Pot stores sell these super-concentrated pot crystals called keef that long-time stoners add to their pot because they're jaded. But this stuff is dangerous. It's harvested directly from Willie Nelson's beard. And it should not be sold to novices.
So Colorado, don't sell keef to novices, talk to customers like a pharmacist would—after all, we are pretending this is medicine—and mostly, stop selling pot products that look like children's candy.
That's not what stoners would do. That's what RJ Reynolds would do.
We don't want to market it to children, and I'm sure parents don't want their kids on pot. Adderall? Sure. Lithium, Lexapro, Klonopin? Why not? Prozac, Paxil, Zoloft? Of course.
But pot is the new kid. It has to play it safe. Let's not throw the baby out with the bongwater.
And let's all of us remember, you don't need to do drugs to have a good time. But why take chances?