Homeless in Vancouver: The wonderful world of aardvark ownership

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      Thank you for buying your authentic African aardvark from ’Varks & Sharks, the pet store that sucks and bites.

      V&S sells only the healthiest young specimens. Every one of our aardvarks is certified 100 percent free of illness and personality problems.

      With proper care you may expect to enjoy the companionship of your V&S aardvark for up to 20 years. Even with improper care it should be good for a decade.

      Your aardvark has a nose for news…of ants and termites!
      Beverly Joubert

      Every aardvark sold by V&S comes with*:

      • A box of actual dirt from Africa
      • A pail of starter ants
      • A packet of Mites ‘n’ Bites™  trail mix
      • Nail clippers
      • A V&S Aardvark Cozy (pictured at top)

      The patented 100 percent sun-blocking V&S Aardvark Cozy will allow your nocturnal burrowing buddy to get a good day’s sleep in his or her new above-ground, First World digs. Now available in plaid!

      We know you’ll love your new aardvark (like no other animal on earth!™) and remember, 'Varks & Sharks is the one-stop choice for all your Orycteropodidae needs.

      *Please note: If you previously purchased an aardvark that came with V&S’s patented Aardvark Carpet Attachment you may be entitled to participate in a class-action lawsuit.

       Ask us about our two-for-one special on banded cat sharks! 

      Stanley Q. Woodvine is a homeless resident of Vancouver who has worked in the past as an illustrator, graphic designer, and writer. Follow Stanley on Twitter at @sqwabb.