Life after death study freaks everyone out

by Adrian Mack on October 9th, 2014 at 3:55 PM

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The largest ever study into after death and out-of-body experiences strongly suggests that we don’t know dick about shit, man.

As reported in the U.K.’s Telegraph, scientists at the University of Southampton led the four year study which investigated 2000 victims of cardiac arrest at 15 hospitals in the U.K., U.S., and Austria.

Forty percent of those interviewed reported “some kind of ‘awareness’” during the period of clinical death, in some cases describing in accurate detail the efforts of doctors to save them. Nothing we haven’t heard before, of course, except that now a bunch of experts have written it up in a fancy report.

Other common experiences included an overwhelming feeling of peacefulness, seeing a bright light (classic!), and—more chillingly—the terrifying sense of being slowly drowned. (Shitfuck!)

Team leader Dr. Sam Parnia speculated that drugs used in the resuscitation process might explain the absence of these memories for some patients, kind of like how I can't remember my dreams because I go to bed baked every night.

“Estimates have suggested that millions of people have had vivid experiences in relation to death but the scientific evidence has been ambiguous at best. Many people have assumed that these were hallucinations or illusions but they do seem to corresponded to actual events," said Dr. Parnia. "These experiences warrant further investigation.”

Dr. Ian Stevenson went further than anybody with his investigation, documenting over 3,000 cases worldwide of children whose past-life memories—including vivid descriptions of locations, people, and events—were frequently verified by research. Stevenson also found that birthmarks and irrational phobias often corresponded with a traumatic or violent death in the child’s previous life.

Professional non-scientist James “The Amazing” Randi was not available for comment.

Comments

8 Comments

Pat Crowe

Oct 9, 2014 at 7:07pm

Well then! I'd like to shoot the shit with Winston Churchill if he's available. I have some questions about that Battle of Jutland, thingy.
Can the scientists locate his energy for me? Or do I need to speak to a psychic?

John Doe

Oct 9, 2014 at 10:08pm

Dude, do you need to curse all the time?

Maya Beckersmith

Oct 10, 2014 at 10:02am

OMG I am scared of earthworms; maybe I was buried alive!

blah

Oct 10, 2014 at 3:11pm

Bullcrock at it's finest!! And the parting shot about a "traumatic or violent death in the child's previous life" shows just how much crock is being spread around. Why do human's feel the need to so strongly believe in a previous or future life?? As far as I am concerned, the people who did this study certainly aren't scientists - more like scam artists getting someone stupid to pay for a stupid study. Or for stupid people to believe it.

GDP

Oct 11, 2014 at 3:20am

I had a near death experience, I don't know where I was - it was like a dark room and someone was speaking to me about why I am committing suicide. Than I was told I will have all those things if I choose to fight. I lived obviously and things that were told to me began happening. Plus I asked for a sign a few months later such as beams of light shooting across the highway and it happened that night driving home. It was like 2 carnival spot lights were on top of one building shooting across the highway at the side of another (why would someone do this?) I have never seen it before and drove plenty back than. So a few weeks after I asked out loud in my car driving home alone (alright if that was you, where is my next job going to be? I mean that had to be a coincidence. I looked over to my left and the first sign I saw was Logistics. I'm like O.K. Logistics it is !!! 4 Days later the company called me (I was contracting myself out as a programmer as a telephone tech) he said Logistics. Their are 3 sites the one under the sign I saw, one in Denver and one in the San Jose area. They only had 3 sites on the planet.The guy got worried that I had inside information because after he said Logistics I said I know, he started yelling how do you know we just got this information this morning. I didn't tell him because it would have sounded like I am crazy. It was really freaky installing this system because the people inside were like needed in my life as an acquaintance. This happened 21 years ago and to this day I am NON religious and not scared of dying but the entire ordeal has me lonely in the world because I know religion has NOTHING to do with anything, however the experience belongs to me. not anybody else. They will just say I'm crazy. I never asked for another sign because I know, I will never claim what is. I call it "whatever it was" and don't mess with it by connecting a man made religion to it.

Janice Vian

Oct 16, 2014 at 3:46pm

Regarding the frequently reported near death experience of seeing a bright light, moving toward a bright light, or moving through a tunnel toward a bright light.
There are prosaic circumstances which explain why these perceptions are so common among people who have been resuscitated from near death. No fancy religious or mystical explanations are needed.
Physical deprivation of oxygen, which is a natural situation when someone is near death, will create a visual experience of tunnel vision. Additionally, the operating rooms and emergency treatment areas of hospitals are equipped with large and very bright overhead lights, which shine down on the patient, who is usually in a face up posture. The brightness of these lights is hard for a conscious person to endure, even with closed eyelids. Thus, persons who are being resuscitated in such an environment really do see very bright light, and naturally, they often see it with tunnel vision.
It is, of course, the case that most people who are resuscitated from a 'near death' experience are in in a hospital, so that they are subjected to these conditions during the resuscitation process. All of the persons resuscitated in these studies were in hospitals. The 'bright light' experience is probably just an effect of being is a hospital during the near death experience.