Evan Goldberg wonders if the Sony hack was an inside job

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      The codirector of The Interview spoke to the Straight this week about a variety of things, including what it’s like to wake up in the morning with gay James Franco in your life. On the subject of the notorious hack—which has plunged Sony Pictures into a deeply embarrassing crisis—the Vancouver-raised filmmaker pleaded ignorance.

      “My gut instinct was, ‘Oh no, is it the North Koreans?’” said Goldberg, calling from Los Angeles while he ate a gluten-free sandwich, speaking of gay.

      “For two seconds it was the North Koreans, and then the younger guys in our office who know way more about computers were, like, ‘No way. You’d have to know Sony’s network, it has to be somebody on the inside.’"

      Sony truthers! Goldberg added that he's basically in the dark about the whole situation, while Seth Rogen and Franco, interestingly enough, were both prevented by Sony from speaking with media at last night's (December 11) Hollywood premiere for the film. "I still can’t sync my phone to my computer properly, never mind this," Goldberg said. "I didn’t know you could do what’s happened.”

      To bring you up to speed, in case you don’t spend your day staring at a Twitter feed filled with stupid celebrity bullshit: Sony Pictures was hacked by a group calling itself the Guardians of Peace, which data-dumped 11 terabytes of highly sensitive company information on the internet, including salaries, budgets, social security numbers, thousands of toe-curling internal emails, and five of the studio’s biggest upcoming releases.

      In the weeks since it happened, we’ve learned, among other things, that Adam Sandler is considered by many Sony employees to be an overpaid hack (duh); that Angelina Jolie, in the words of producer Scott Rudin, is “a minimally talented spoiled brat”; and that producer Michael De Luca feels inadequate whenever he sees Michael Fassbender’s junk. Also, Kevin Hart is "a whore." And an exchange between Rudin and Sony Pictures co-chairman Amy Pascal about Obama’s taste in movies is no less embarrassing. ("Should I ask him if he liked Django?" asked Pascal. "12 Years...," replied Rudin. Get it? Coz he's BLACK, har har! I never noticed, myself.)

      The Guardians of Peace declared that the hack was prompted by The Interview, an upcoming Sony release in which Rogen and Franco are despatched by the CIA to North Korea in order to further explore their latent homo tendencies and also assassinate Kim Jong-un. I’ve seen it, and it’s hilarious. But Kim Jong-un has a lot of ICBMs and an itchy button finger, meaning Vancouver—where The Interview was filmed—is the first place to go once he chooses the nuclear option.

      It’s also feasible that the CIA or some other domestic Intelligence group was behind the hack, which was always meant to be blamed on the North Koreans, thereby ramping up the film’s propaganda value. Asked if the CIA had actually intervened in the production of the film, Goldberg laughed at me like I was a total idiot. BUT HOW WOULD HE KNOW?

      The Interview opens on December 25. Look for our Evan Goldberg feature in next week’s issue of the Straight.

      Comments

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      32 Comments

      A. MacInnis

      Dec 17, 2014 at 4:24pm

      This is all very entertaining.

      I feel like I must have seen Michael Fassbender's junk in some movie or other, but I can't remember it. Is he hung?

      Adrian Mack

      Dec 17, 2014 at 4:27pm

      He's a tripod

      Adrian Mack

      Dec 17, 2014 at 4:27pm

      I mean: looks perfectly average to me.

      A. MacInnis

      Dec 18, 2014 at 2:38pm

      I remember seeing a female dwarf (midget?) on Plenty of Fish one time who was looking for men with small penises that would fit her rather tiny corresponding part. I was kind of curious - I mean, what the hell, right? - so I wrote her back with my measurements, but I proved too big, I guess, because she never wrote me back. Which was in its own way an ego boost, I guess...

      A. MacInnis

      Dec 18, 2014 at 2:38pm

      Not that I'm tiny, but I don't get a lot of "it's too big" complaints, y'know? Unless they're talkin' about my belly.

      Adrian Mack

      Dec 19, 2014 at 8:21pm

      Can I mention that I wrote this last week with tongue somewhat planted in cheek, but that some of it now seems quite plausible to me? Also relieved to hear that you're not tiny, Al.

      Chris

      Dec 19, 2014 at 8:38pm

      are you having a conversation with yourself about your dick? Also, this article is a "fantastic" piece of writing. And by "fantastic" I mean it is very rude and biased.

      L. Robitaille

      Dec 19, 2014 at 9:57pm

      Let the above meanderings be a sobering reminder that a glittering career as an All-Star NHL defence-man is no guarantee of achieving post-career focus.

      iain

      Dec 19, 2014 at 10:21pm

      Much ado about nothing. And by the way. Pineapple Express. This Is The End. Terrible movies. Sure this one is just as bad. Thank you whoever spared us this yet another piece of brain dead hackery

      Seriously

      Dec 19, 2014 at 10:41pm

      You guys are more worried about some dick measurement than the actual subject of the article?