News for Youse: Abbotsford rejects Taboo, but Quebec gets Hard

Terrible news for those of you stocking up on the Viagra, amyl nitrate, and cocoa butter for you weekend of erotic entertainment in Abbotsford next month.

After four hot and successful years of destroying family values in the Lower Mainland’s most upright community, the Taboo Naughty but Nice Show is taking its silicone funbags elsewhere. The show was scheduled for March 29 at that throbbing pink palace of polymorphous perversity known as the Tradex (renamed the TradeXXX for the occasion), but organizers Canwest have pulled (pulled, heh heh) this year’s event.

The reason? They couldn’t get a “roaming” liquor license, which is a license that allows you to actually move around while enjoying your Hot Toilet Anal or similarly-themed shooter, plus—like you didn’t see this coming!—Taboo has experienced what’s been called a “push-back” from fundamentalists, led by former mayoral candidate Gerda (Eat a…) Peachey.

So no Vegas-style, dry-ice erotic fugue for you, Abbosford! Oddly enough, there has been no such community “push-back” on the annual regeneration ritual scheduled for roughly the same time by obscure Christian sect the Linenites, in which members of the close-knit, rural community file into the basement of a condemned church at the far end of a dirt road and impregnate their cousins through a hole cut into an old bedsheet.

In contrast to all this, Radio-Canada head Hubert Lacroix has testily defended his right to broadcast a porny TV series called Hard on French CBC’s video-on-demand website.

Heritage minister James Moore attacked the show, which is produced in France (aka Fucklandia) and is full of tumescent members plunging into soft pink orifices, but Lacroix—demonstrating that Quebec spirit that makes the rest of us wonder why the fuck we don’t move there— told Moore to go “eat a bag of cocks”, or something. Actually, Lacroix moved the show to a later time slot, but as far as we’re concerned, anything besides cancelling it is "eat a bag of cocks.”

Hey, on the subject of fundamentalists, how can we not bring your attention to a Glenn Greenwald column published on Salon on Friday detailing how a number of U.S. politicians including Andy “America is under attack" Card, Tom Ridge, Rudy Giuliani, Howard Dean, and Wesley Clark have been doing paid work for an Iranian terrorist organization?

Described by the New York Times as a “totalitarian cult”, the Mojahedin-e Khalq, or MEK, has lately won favour with America’s political elite by assassinating Iranian nuclear scientists at the behest of Israel. As Guliani reportedly told MEK's leader, Maryam Rajavi, “These are the most important yearnings of the human soul that you support, and for your organization to be described as a terrorist organization is just simply a disgrace”

Why don't we just let that sink in for a moment?

Very good. As Greenwald writes, “those who are politically and financially well-connected are free to commit even the most egregious crimes; for that reason, the very idea of prosecuting Giuliani, Rendell, Ridge, Townsend, Dean and friends for their paid labor on behalf of a terrorist group is unthinkable, a suggestion not fit for decent company, even though powerless Muslims have been viciously prosecuted for far less egregious connections to such groups.”

Switching to something almost as mind-boggling, Who is Paul McCartney!?

And finally, in the short 48 hours since her death at the Beverly Hilton Hotel, it’s probably fair to say the showy paroxysms of public grief over the death of Whitney Houston have almost but not quite equaled the ghoulish delight we all took in her pathetic fall. I was never a fan, but it’d take a reptilian ear to miss what Clive Davis heard in this.