News for Youse: Blatchford revived by whiff of sex-killing and decomposition

by Adrian Mack on May 31, 2012 at 9:43 am
Christie Blatchford has found her ideal story.

Stand back, everyone, Christie Blatchford has an opinion.

Revived by the taint of decomposition in the air, the lumpy congealment in Blechford’s chest made a thump-thump sound as words like dismemberment, video, Homolka, and gay porn floated across her grey mental transom, inspiring the much-feared Volks Posten columnist to muster all the monumental keyboarding skills at her disposal today, composing for readers a savoury description of 1 Lunatic 1 Ice Pick—the notorious video now at the centre of the unfolding “body parts” story .

Blatchford manfully took on the job of watching the notorious video—it’s a moral duty in Blatch-world— which allegedly shows gay porno dude and Karla Homolka-bait Luka Magnotta killing, dismembering, eating, and sexually assaulting the victim whose body parts he is said to have subsequently mailed to Conservative and Liberal Party headquarters. It’s “sick-making,” she concludes, with blinding insight and only a hint of titillation.

1 Lunatic 1 Ice Pick was originally posted on a website called bestgore.com. In one of the oddest wrinkles in the story, Toronto police received a call about the putative snuff movie about a week ago from a lawyer in Montana.

"I was on the bestgore.com website and I saw what I was sure was a videotaped murder," said Roger Renville, in a story found on Stun Media. Toronto police “dismissed its existence” when Renville called.

Speaking of Stun Media, “award-winning reporter” Joe Warmington put his delicate constitution aside to courageously revisit an interview he videotaped with the “creepy” Magnotta back in 2007, when the alleged killer was merely denying that he’d ever dated Homolka.

“It was very bizarre. The whole thing is surreal,” offers Warmington in a piece published today. (wow, bizarre and surreal?) “Like I said before,” he writes. “Creepy.”

Warmington is clearly one hell of a wordsmith, but it’s the Grand Dame of psychopathia sexualis who comes up with easily the best zinger this morning, deciding finally that this whole foul business must be the internet’s fault.

“The web that is a force for good, which enables freedom in dictatorships and emboldens revolution, is also this web,” Blatchford concludes. “Call it the Gore Spring.”

The GORE SPRING! Ka-FUCKING-POW! Readers ought to remember that back in the good old days, snuff-hounds had to whack it to a Christie Blatchford column if they wanted to colour their sex-killing fantasies with a little hard detail. I'd be outraged, too.

Comments (18) Add New Comment
Rosemary
May 31, 2012 at 10:26 am
Christie Blatchford's reportage is roughly equivalent to a skeezy B-novel with the lurid cover. Gruesome murders are her bread and butter and she relishes embellishing and sensationalizing every morsel. She is a dreadful writer. Really, Christie should be writing for the National Enqjuirer or Weekly World News. (It's a bonus that she looks like Batboy's mother!).
1
1
Rating: 0
Steve Newton
May 31, 2012 at 10:36 am
I don't care how much you enjoy fake gore, like the stuff in horror movies. Do not visit websites like this that show actual murder and torture. Evil wins if you do. Plus, you can't "unsee" some of these things. Just sayin'.
6
2
Rating: +4
Mark Fornataro
May 31, 2012 at 10:45 am
Steve Newton. I can't agree more. And Adrian, you've got to admit though, she's got one radiant, beautiful smile there.
2
2
Rating: 0
Martin Dunphy
May 31, 2012 at 10:48 am
The smell of death floats on the wind.
Somewhere in the back of a long, dark cave in Ontario, the rustle of dry, leathery wings.....
2
1
Rating: +1
DavidH
May 31, 2012 at 11:04 am
I hate the part of my personality that causes me to take cheap shots. I know that I should be better than that, but I'm just not.

So, look at the photo of Blatchford at the top of this article. And then look at this (or any) picture of Rex Murphy:

http://www.cbc.ca/checkup/

And then, try to imagine the consequences of an unprotected Blatchford/Murphy nookie session.

Sorry if this adds to the trauma being suffered by those foolish enough to watch the snuff film in question.
2
1
Rating: +1
A. MacInnis
May 31, 2012 at 11:49 am
Hm. So is "1 Lunatic 1 icepick" the title that Magnotta gave his own video, or something imposed on it by the Bestgore website? Because it's clearly riffing on "3 guys 1 hammer," ANOTHER snuff video that made the rounds online some years ago, which I see is actually still on the Bestgore website. (Note: I do not watch this stuff myself and am kind of horrified that it is allowed to circulate online; surely there is some rationale to censoring such material?). What we're seeing appears to be the birth of a snuff meme, when it comes to titling these things - the number of people involved, the number of murder implements (5 guys 1 tainted pizza; 1 farmer, 362 chickens; etc). No doubt we haven't seen the last instance of this unfortunate trend in titling.
1
2
Rating: -1
Organ Morgan
May 31, 2012 at 12:01 pm
Blatchford is a bad, sensationalist and exploitative writer, but do you guys think making fun of her appearance makes you any different? If she looked like Penelope Cruz, would you be harshing on her like this?
1
2
Rating: -1
miguel
May 31, 2012 at 12:12 pm
"Gore Spring"? Sounds like an environmental movement.
Miguel
1
2
Rating: -1
Sjs
May 31, 2012 at 1:04 pm
We are talking about a real person who lost their life amidst all this media sensationlism. While the identity of the victim has not yet been revealed, it allows people to conveniently overlook the tragedy of this situation and focus on the various bizarre details.
2
2
Rating: 0
John Lucas
May 31, 2012 at 1:20 pm
@Al I'm pretty sure it all started with 2 Girls 1 Cup, which is not gory but is thoroughly abhorrent. I mean, that didn't stop me from rubbing one out to it, but still.
1
1
Rating: 0
DavidH
May 31, 2012 at 1:41 pm
Organ Morgan wrote: "Blatchford is a bad, sensationalist and exploitative writer, but do you guys think making fun of her appearance makes you any different? If she looked like Penelope Cruz, would you be harshing on her like this?"

Actually, I've always thought that Penelope Cruz is homely. Close-set eyes, small mouth, prominent schnozz.

But the more important question is: When did "harsh" become a verb? Are you 12?
0
0
Rating: 0
A. MacInnis
May 31, 2012 at 2:04 pm
@John - Oh, yeah, 2 Girls 1 Cup, that's true. I haven't watched that one, either!

@DavidH - hey, come on, "verbing weirds language."
1
1
Rating: 0
Organ Morgan
May 31, 2012 at 2:33 pm
@DavidH Please post a link to an image of your ostensibly perfect face so that we can all go to town on it. I'm sure Penelope Cruz would die to be seen in public with such a handsome stud as you.
1
2
Rating: -1
John Baglow
May 31, 2012 at 5:43 pm
Well said and done. She and the Globe and Mail finally found a way to write and publish violent child pornography in the Tori Stafford affair. I stopped reading her there and then--but no surprise that she has been, as you say, revived by the latest gore-porn.

Tabloid journalism at its yellowest and worst.

1
0
Rating: +1
Gail
May 31, 2012 at 9:09 pm
Love it, AM!
1
0
Rating: +1
A. MacInnis
Jun 1, 2012 at 12:10 am
Note the quotation marks!
1
1
Rating: 0
Jim Sontag
Jun 1, 2012 at 4:14 am
Great piece AM - my first laugh for the day. I even bookmarked it. I have to visit here more often.
1
0
Rating: +1
M. Woody
Jun 4, 2012 at 10:36 pm
Nice to see that murder and mayhem has finally given this piece of work a diversion from her nauseating coverage of Gary McHale and Caledonia exploits. In a town where the overwhelming majority of us just want to get on with life, bitch batchford and fat ass Gary McHale keep flaming the embers....guess she must be writing another book and/or perhaps doing the nasty with Gary....now THAT my friends would or could result in some interesting off spring. Just another washed up columnist (they're a dime a friggn dozen these days) who has burned almost every newspaper bridge she ever had. She will soon be writing for some equally washed up village newspaper.
1
1
Rating: 0
Add new comment
To prevent automated spam submissions leave this field empty.