News for Youse: Body-parts murder victim identified, so let's all go cross-border shopping

This whole thing has gotten way out of hand.

Okay, sure, at first we sort of snickered at the idea of a foot being mailed to the Conservative national office; in our defence, we assumed it was of the same ilk as the harmless runner-clad feet that wash up on B.C.'s shores pretty much all the time. We're desensitized to news about people-less feet, that's all we're saying.

But then the case turns full creepy. A video of a dismembered human is found on the Internet and is thought to portray the owner of said foot. The prime suspect in the case seems almost manufactured for the part—male model, bisexual porn star, acquaintance of Karla Homolka, may or may not have also tortured and killed kittens. Now there's an international manhunt for Luka Rocco Magnotta, who police believe flew to France on May 26, but may be back in the country now. Honestly, authorities have no freakin' clue.

(We have never been happier that we do not have a television and are thusly spared from ghoulish news anchors spewing the utterly shocking and disturbing details of this crime at us in a race for ratings. We only have to contend with the pearl-clutching outrage of certain National Post columnists and lurid, sensationalized details from reporters from The Sun.)

But you know what's missing in all of this? The name of the victim: Lin Jun, a 33-year-old Chinese student at Concordia University who was reported missing on May 24. That's the name that should be remembered in this case, instead of the creep who allegedly slaughtered Jun. There's no need for apartment walkthrough videos or reposting blurred pictures of gore. Let's focus on the very real fact that someone—Lin Jun—was brutally murdered and his body parts seem to have been used as disturbing props for some unclear agenda from a possible lunatic.

Okay, now that we've got that bit of outrage off our chest, please enjoy suckling at the milky teat of capitalism this weekend now that new limits on duty-free items have come into effect. Canadians may now drag $200 worth of goods back over the border after spending the night, or $800 worth (up from $400) after a two- to seven-day trip.

Much like anything else slightly positive done by government, people were quick to whine about the continuing restriction that disallows Canadians from bringing back any duty-free products if they travel to the States for less than 24 hours. Hmm, let's think about this. If you go to the United States to visit the discount outlet malls, stuff your vehicle full of cheaply-made-by-tiny-children's-hands goods, and head back to Canada before nightfall, who loses out? (Well, besides the tiny children who made your stuff.) It's American hotels and casinos. C'mon Canada. They've got to make a living somehow and if preying on slavish consumers who'd rather wait it out for 24 hours to get an item slightly cheaper than they would get it in their native country, well, that's the American dream, is it not?

You better stock up on your shitty merchandise now anyway considering we're all going to be rocked by massive solar flares next year. Well, maybe put off purchasing smartphones and GPS units, which the sun will render next to useless. May we suggest camping equipment, strike-anywhere matches, and a really good pair of hiking shoes.

By the way, the Internet is being taken over by the UN, so here's an almost seven-minute video of otters playing in the bathtub, which will likely cost you at least $15 to watch come January.

Yeah, we feel slightly better now.

Follow the extremely self-important Miranda Nelson on Twitter.