News for Youse: Breakfast TV interrupted by gay porn (yay!), evil-stupid fascism spreads across the globe (boo!)

A popular AM news show on CHCH Hamilton was interrupted by a three-minute blast of hardcore man-on-man porno on Friday. In what must rank as one of the great understatements of all time, Morning Live First Edition news director Mike Katrycz told reporters, “As soon as I saw it... I knew something was desperately wrong."

Katrycz was referring to the feed itself, which was accidentally switched by a local cable company, and not to the sudden end-of-innocence he experienced as a freaky anal DP scenario with a Tom of Finland-edge unfolded before his virgin eyes.

One of Canada’s oldest privately owned TV stations, CHCH Hamilton has produced well-known content including The Red Green Show and Tiny Talent Time. After catching the inadvertent injection of Huge Talent Time into his morning schedule, one depressed middle-aged father of two with a shitty office job described his response as “possibly a little curious”.

In France, where breakfast without hardcore pornography is considered gauche, Count Nicolas von der Sarkozy is furiously scapegoating immigrants and fictional terrorists after falling behind socialist candidate François Hollande yesterday in the first round of polling during the presidential election.

Sarkozy hopes to siphon off the whopping 18 percent of the vote captured by raving fascist insane person Marine Le Pen—the best result ever for the long-running National Front, whose dramatic surge in popularity, oddly enough, is described in this morning’s Volks-Posten as “a ray of hope”.

Mirroring the situation in France, but minus the “socialist”, Albertans hit the polls today to determine whether or not Wildrose leader Danielle Smith and her bunch of evil-stupid crazies will prevail over the enemies of enlightenment led by Progressive Conservative leader Alison Redford.

In Calgary, Smith told supporters yesterday that “every vote will count” in the hotly contested race, quaintly suggesting that a choice between the asshole on the far right and the asshole on the farther right constitutes some sort of “choice”. And speaking of Godwin’s Law, are you aware that an adolescent Robin Gibb once penned a biography of Hitler?

…And with that mind-bending segue, let us send our best wishes to the 62-year-old Bee Gee, who against all odds woke from a coma this weekend after suffering liver failure and contracting pneumonia while being treated for colorectal cancer. In tribute, here’s his melancholic 1967 masterpiece “Holiday”—which, I suppose, we could also send out to the Canucks, while we’re at it.